


Girls' Night Out

by Poledancingdinos



Category: Sand Castle (2017)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Army, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Love, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Cunnilingus, Denial of Feelings, Drunk Sex, F/M, Gun Violence, Hook-Up, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Infertility, Light Bondage, Major Character Injury, Making Love, Making Out, Mentions of Cancer, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:08:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 35,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28465074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poledancingdinos/pseuds/Poledancingdinos
Summary: Amber meets Sy in a bar and they enter into a casual relationship... or so they keep telling themselves.
Relationships: Captain Syverson (Sand Castle)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alcohol use

It was girls’ night at a local bar. The kind of place where guys came to drink beer, play pool and hit on uninterested waitresses. Normally, it wouldn’t have been their first choice, but Amber’s friend Molly had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and she just wanted the male attention.

Amber sat in a corner watching her friend pretend to learn how to play pool, bent over a table with some frat boy who was not so subtly grinding against her. She didn’t exactly appreciate the show, but she did want to make sure Molly was okay. If she was aware enough to pretend to learn pool then she was probably aware enough to stop things if she felt uncomfortable, or at least signal one of the girls for an escape strategy.

Amber nodded pretending she was following whatever the girls next to her were talking about, too absorbed in watching the people around her interact. That’s how she noticed two guys sitting at the other end of the room, one of them chatting away with one of the waitresses. He seemed to be genuinely outgoing and friendly because the waitress was smiley and relaxed rather than coy and guarded like she had been with the frat boys. The other guy at the table was more reserved than the man sitting next to him. Like her, he was nodding along to whatever the pair was talking about.

She continued to watch them even after the waitress left to continue her rounds of the bar. Both men had broad shoulders but the quiet one was significantly more muscular. Her first instinct was that he worked some physical job because he didn’t have the shape of someone who only worked out in a gym. His muscle mass looked like it was built up out of necessity. The first man was well groomed and dressed in a shirt and chino pants. The larger man was his complete opposite, shaved head, unruly beard, baggy cargo shorts and black t-shirt.

The sound of her friend giggling broke her out of her trance. Amber glanced over at the pool table where her friend had seemingly made “her first shot all on her own” and was being congratulated by the group of men surrounding her.

“Hey Amber, we are getting a round of shots, do you want in?” her friend Kim asked.

“That depends” Amber said. “What are we drinking?”

“We were thinking Jack” answered Dani.

“I could go for some whiskey” Amber said with side smile. Her friends knew that offering her any strong drink was they way to win back her attention.

Dani called the waitress over and ordered four shots. As if on cue, Molly made her way to the table to take her own once the lady had returned with the drinks.

“Are you planning on going home with him?” Amber asked without disguising her amusement.

“What? He’s cute and funny what more can I ask for a one-night thing?” Molly questioned with a smirk.

“Fair point” Dani replied.

“Be careful, text us later so we know you’re safe” Kim order.

“Yes, mom” Molly scoffed.

With that she took her shot and went back to the group of boys. Amber’s gaze went back to the two men at the far side of the bar.

“What do you girls think of the two guys back there?”

“You mean the ones you’ve been staring at for the last 10 minutes?” Dani joked. “I think the one on the left is married but the other guy seems fair game.”

Amber hadn’t noticed the wedding ring the smaller man wore but then again, she had been more intrigued by his companion.

“They kinda look alike” Amber said thinking out loud. “Maybe brothers?”

“If you’ve stared at them long enough to work that out then you should definitely go talk to him.” Dani encouraged.

Without thinking further, she walked to the bar and ordered three of the beers the men had been drinking. From where she was standing, she could notice a chain sticking out of the black t-shirt the larger man was wearing. _Military, of course._ She paid for the beers and walked to the table.

“Hi, there” she said with a smile. Both men looked up, the quiet stranger was clearly confused by the attention. The other man was definitely the most outgoing of the two, not seeming phased at all by the woman standing in front of him.

“Hi, yourself” he greeted, returning her smile.

She handed the man one of the beers “Thought you could use another round” she began. “I figured I’d use the opportunity to thank you for your service” she said as she handed the bearded man his. The statement caught both men off guard.

“Thank you” his voice trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

“Why don’t you keep him company while I make a call?” the smaller man suggested with a hint of a southern accent. The smaller man stood, seemingly unbothered by the fact that he had just become an impromptu wing-man. Amber sat across from the stranger and took a sip from her beer. He mirrored her action still unsure of what to say to the woman in front of him.

“I’m Amber” she began.

“Sy” he responded. He paused for a moment, thinking. 

“So how the hell did you know I’m in the army?” With a full sentence, Amber noticed his accent was slightly more pronounced than the other man’s.

“Well you look like a guy who has a pretty physical job and I saw the chain of your dog-tags as I was walking up” she explained with a shrug trying to down play her observational skills as to not spook Sy away.

“What else can you tell by looking at me?”

Amber hadn’t expected him to play along but he seemed genuinely intrigued by her now.

“Well” she began, “I am pretty sure that you and he” she gestured to the empty seat where the other man had been sitting, “are brothers and he is probably calling his wife, maybe letting her know when he’s going to be home.” Again, she hoped that her observations wouldn’t scare Sy away.

“That’s pretty good.” Sy looked up as his brother sat back down at the table.

“Sorry about that, I was letting my wife know I was going to be out a little later than expected.” Sy let out a low chuckle realizing that Amber had been spot on in all her assumptions.

“I’m Devon, what’s your name?” She introduced herself again to the other brother, shaking the hand he had extended.

“What do you do, Amber?”

“I work for the finance and accounting department for a multinational retail company.”

“Is that a fancy way of saying you’re a CPA?” Devon asked.

“I am, but I mostly work on budgeting, investment decisions and that sort of thing. Half the time when I just say I’m a CPA, people ask me if I can save them money on their taxes.”

“I know the feeling” Devon said. “I’m in corporate law but people always ask if I can help them get away with murder.”

Amber laughed and returned her attention to Sy. “Do you stay in the States or do you go overseas?” 

“I’m with special ops. I’ve been on two tours and I am basically waiting for my orders to come so I can ship out again” he explained. Amber interpreted his answer to mean _“Don’t get any ideas. I won’t be around for long.”_ She noticed the frustrated look Devon gave his brother as if to say _“don’t brush her off before getting to know her.”_ Amber didn’t mind though. If he was completely uninterested in her, he would have told her so while his brother was out of ear shot.

“How long have you been back?” she asked ignoring the silent exchange between the brothers.

“Landed last week.”

A phone chime interrupted the exchange.

“I should get going” Devon announced. He and Sy stood up. She noticed that although Sy was larger, Devon was the tallest of the two. “Don’t be a stranger. Come over to the house whenever you want a decent meal.” Devon gave his brother a warm hug, thanked Amber for the beer, and walked out of the bar.

“Where are you guys from?” Amber inquired as Sy sat back down.

“We grew up in Georgia. The rest of our family is still there but he moved to Pennsylvania for work. I go back and forth whenever I’m state-side, but I mostly stay here. Dev’s in-laws own an apartment building so they give me a place for cheap.”

“That’s really nice of them. I’d imagine it’s hard to find a place to buy or rent when you spend most of your time away.”

The banter continued back and forth mixed in with a few flirtatious comments every now and then. Amber hadn’t realized how late it was until Kim interrupted them.

“Hey, Dani and I are heading out and Molly left over an hour ago with mister ‘cute and funny’.”

“I can take you home” Sy offered before she could answer.

Amber looked over at him, slightly surprised. “That would be great.” The pair stood up from the table.

“Alright, then.” Kim said. She gave Amber a small hug and whispered, “Check-in when you’re safe.”

She gave Kim a slight nod in response and waved Dani goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oral sex (M receiving)  
> Protected sex

As Amber and Sy walked out of the bar, he wrapped an arm around her waist to guide her to his truck.

“Of course, you drive a pick-up. Why wouldn’t a southern, career army man drive a pick-up?”

“Ouch, that’s rude” Sy brought his hand up to his chest and feigned being wounded by the remark.

“Don’t take it the wrong way, I’m sure you look good behind the wheel.” She bumped her body to his teasingly.

“Got so used to driving in Hummers that anything smaller just makes me feel naked” he explained.

“I can understand that.”

Amber walked around to the passenger side and climbed up into the truck.

“So, darlin’, where am I headed?”

“My house is about 15 minutes south of here on the highway.”

Sy nodded. “I can make it to the highway but after that I’m going to need you to guide me.”

The truck roared to life and Sy pulled out of the bar parking lot. He switched on the radio and heavy rock music blared through the speakers, startling them both.

Sy cursed. “Sorry ‘bout that” he apologized, turning down the volume. When he moved to change the station, Amber reached up to grab his wrist.

“Don’t, I like this song” she confessed. He glanced at her, surprise evident in his face.

“You like metal music?”

“My dad listened to rock and metal when I was growing up. My tastes expanded from there. I like most sub-genres of punk, rock and metal. I am very selective with other styles, but I do like a variety of artists.”

The rest of the drive was mostly spent going back and forth and arguing the merits of specific artists over others.

“Turn right here and it’s the last house on the right.”

Sy pulled into the driveway of a small blue bungalow and killed the engine. Without a second thought, he stepped out of the truck to walk Amber to her door.

“How do you feel about dogs?” she inquired, out of the blue turning so that her back was to her front door.

“Is this some kind of test?” he said with a hint of amusement in his voice. “If I say I like cats will you send me away, never to see you again?” He leaned one hand beside her head and moved ever so slightly closer to her.

She giggled. “No, I won’t send you away for liking cats, but if you don’t like dogs that might be an issue considering there is about 300 pounds worth of canine on the other side of this door.”

“Are we talking one really fat dog or 50 chihuahuas?” he scoffed moving his body to hover over Amber’s, lips only a few inches apart.

“I have three dogs each weighing about 100 pounds” she clarified.

“I like dogs.”

She felt his lips brush hers ever so softly. When he felt her return the kiss, he leaned his body into hers still supporting his weight to avoid crushing her and kissed her more firmly. Her hands moved up to his neck while her mouth opened, inviting him to deepen the kiss. She had never kissed a man with such a full beard but the sensation, although foreign, was pleasant. She couldn’t help but think how his mouth would feel on her skin, exploring the rest of her body. As if reading her thoughts, Sy pulled back.

“As much as I would like to come in, I didn’t exactly think of bringing condoms to meet up with my brother at the bar.”

“I’ve got some inside” she assured him.

Amber turned around and unlocked the door. Like she had warned, the pair was welcomed by three whining dogs. Sy immediately bent down and started petting the calmest of the trio, a fluffy malamute.

“That’s my girl Echo. The rottweiler is Hades and the mountain dog is Luna.” Sy finished greeting the other canines, took off his boots and stood up. “I have an army dog I take care of. She’s still on a base getting checked out but I should have her back next week.”

“Must be nice having her with you out there. I know it doesn’t replace family but having a dog around surely makes it easier.” Shifting to be chest to chest with the large man once again.

Sy nodded not knowing how else to answer. She hadn’t really meant it as a question, and he didn’t feel like talking about how life is when deployed. Instead, he reached up and brushed his thumb across her cheek. It was Amber’s turn to lean in for a kiss which quickly turned into a heated make-out.

“Which way to the bedroom” Sy asked lifting her in his arms.

“Down the hall, it’s the only door on the left side” she answered wrapping her legs around his waist for support. “Kids, stay” she ordered firmly to the pack who was watching the scene unfold. Sy quickly navigated his way around the house to the bedroom. Amber shut the door behind Sy before being deposited onto the bed.

Sy made quick work of her shirt and pants leaving her in a pair of matching black, lace underwear. The sound that came out of him as he glanced over her body could only be compared to a growl. Amber didn’t know how long it had been since he had last been with a woman, but she guessed it was at least over six months.

She reached for the hem of Sy’s shirt and shimmied it over his head. She immediately started kissing down his chest and stomach and started pawing at the growing bulge in his shorts. She could tell that he was well endowed even with the thick fabric still covering him. The idea made her mouth water and made her feel a little more assertive than she normally would have. She stood from the bed and pushed him down in her place.

He let himself be moved by the smaller woman, finding it refreshing that someone was taking charge for once. She resumed kissing him while she worked on removing his cargo shorts. She pulled down both the shorts and his boxers simultaneously, leaving him naked before her. She slowly kissed down his neck and torso, kneeling next to the bed, but lingered at his happy trail letting the tension build a little longer.

Sy groaned and brought his hand to her hair. She felt him apply pressure ever so slightly. Satisfied that his resolve was being tested, she moved her lips down to his shaft, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses across his length. She glanced up to meet his gaze as she took him into her mouth.

“Fuck” he gasped. She continued to move up and down while swirling her tongue around his tip. He was now fully hard and moving his hips up to meet her movements. Before long, he was pulling away from her mouth. “I need to feel you around me” he demanded breathily.

Amber reached to the nightstand to pull out a condom which she expertly rolled onto the man before her. She stood up, reaching behind her to unhook her bra. She let it slowly slide down her arms and fall to the floor. Sy pulled her to him, kneading her ass and thighs as he started kissing her breasts. He roughly pulled down her panties and started caressing her folds.

“Are you this wet just from using that pretty little mouth on me?” he panted.

“What can I say? Everything about you is big.” She moaned as he brushed her clit. “I wanted to know how you felt in my mouth.”

He moved his free hand up to cup her breast as his mouth took care of her other nipple, licking and sucking. He pushed one finger into her, testing her walls. Amber was so aroused that his finger could slide in and out easily, and he wasted no time adding a second one immediately.

She moaned again, gripping onto the back of Sy’s shoulders and relishing the feeling of his tongue on her nipple.

“Move up on the bed” she ordered.

“Yes, ma’am” he replied immediately moving to lay back on the bed. Amber whimpered at the loss of his fingers but quickly climbed on top of Sy and lined up his erection between her folds. Then, at a painfully slow pace, she lowered herself onto him. Her eyes shut as her head fell back in pleasure. She couldn’t see the man below her, but she could feel his grip on her thighs tighten and his chest heave more quickly.

She braced herself on Sy’s chest, and, after giving herself a moment to adjust, she began to ride him in earnest. Her movements were interrupted when her companion pulled her back to his lips, tangling his hands in her hair.

“You feel so good, darlin’” he gasped between kisses. “Gimme a chance to enjoy this.”

She resumed her movements at a slower pace, never breaking the kiss. One of her hands moved down his arm and she intertwined her fingers with his, bringing the hand up to lay near his head. The gesture was strangely intimate, but it felt right.

Sy broke the kiss first and settled his hands onto Amber’s hips to stabilize her. He shifted his legs to brace himself on the mattress and began thrusting upwards.

“Sy” she groaned. Encouraged by her moans, Sy started thrusting faster, shifting one hand to rub her clit with his thumb. He could tell she was on the edge by the feeling of her walls clenching around him. He increased the speed once more and circled her clit with more vigor.

Amber could feel her legs growing weaker as a familiar feeling pooled in her stomach. “Oh Sy, please don’t stop.”

Sy’s movements were growing erratic, the sound of his name on her lips pushed him closer and closer to his release. “Go ahead, darlin’. Cum for me.”

The sound of sheer pleasure in his voice was Amber’s undoing. She fell forward onto Sy as he shook beneath her, succumbing to his release immediately after her.

When Amber felt Sy begin to soften she slowly got off him and stood up. She pushed a box of tissues closer to him and walked into the adjoining bathroom. She wet a washcloth and returned to offer it to Sy who was discarding the condom.

“Thanks” he said with a weak voice. He wiped himself off quickly and returned the cloth to Amber’s extended hand. She threw it lazily into a laundry basket before returning to the bed. She watched Sy glance at his clothes on the floor and spoke before he could make up his mind.

“You could stay if you want.”

Sy seemed hesitant. “I don’t sleep so good” his voice trailing off.

“Well, if you aren’t going to sleep, wouldn’t you rather have a naked girl next to you?” she asked coyly.

Sy looked up at her with a warm smile. “I suppose that would be an improvement.”

He shuffled back into the bed, leaving her room to join him. After covering them both with blankets, he pressed her body to his relishing the warmth of her back on his torso. She yawned softly, mumbled something that sounded like “goodnight” before falling into a deep slumber. Sy nuzzled into her hair and closed his eyes, listening to her breathing even out. Before long, the room was completely still and both bodies were in a deep sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Amber woke up to the feeling of someone playing with her hair. She kept her eyes closed as she took in the feeling of fingers scraping gently against her scalp. She had her head on Sy’s warm, hairy chest and the rest of her body was curled up by his side.

“Good morning” Sy said into her hair.

Amber stretched out her legs with a groan.

“Good morning to you too. Have you been awake long?” She turned over to glance at the clock. 

Sy held on to her waist, not wanting to give up the feeling of her skin on his. 

“A couple of hours. I woke up around 5.”

“I need to get the dogs out” she explained, being immediately released by Sy.

She unwillingly got out of bed, suddenly feeling cold from the loss of contact with the man she had spent the night with. She moved to the dresser and pulled out a camisole and a pair of pyjama shorts. Sy got up and redressed in his boxers and shorts from the night before but omitted his shirt for the time being.

“Feel free to shower or whatever while I take care of the kids” she offered, gesturing to her bathroom before leaving the room.

Amber’s dogs were all up as soon as they had heard movement from the bedroom and were laying at various spots in the hallway.

“Come kids, we’re going outside.”

The trio leapt into action, immediately running to the back door. After letting them out, she prepared three bowls of kibble mixed with various vegetables.

She left the food on the counter and went to use the main bathroom. She checked herself out quickly in the mirror. _Not wearing makeup has it’s perks_ she thought as she quickly washed her face, glad that she didn’t look like a raccoon. It wasn’t that she was against it. She was just very bad at applying it and had never bothered to learn.

When she returned, she saw Sy in the yard, playing fetch with one of the many balls that were strewn across the lawn. Amber had chosen this house because it had a big yard and a nice kitchen. The small house meant there was a bigger yard for the furry trio to run in.

She stepped out with the bowls of food and the dogs ran to her side, quickly forgetting the stranger that had been playing with them moments before. They all sat straight up in front of her and watched their master. Amber started with Echo because she was always the calmest and she was also the pack leader of sorts. Luna was next and quickly got to work devouring the mix. Finally, she put down the last bowl in front of Hades.

“Do you like pancakes?” Amber asked stepping back into the house.

Sy’s stomach answer for him with a strong growl. They both chuckled.

“Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll make us some food and coffee.” Amber suggested, gesturing to a stool at the kitchen island.

She quickly got to work pulling out all the ingredients she needed for buttermilk pancakes. She prepared the mix the set it aside before setting up a griddle to start heating. Before long, the kitchen was filled with the smell of pancakes and coffee and the island was filled with various bowls of chopped fruit along with a large plate of pancakes.

Amber handed Sy a plate and told him to pick out whatever he wanted as she sat down and did the same. Sy watched her as she poured abundant quantities of maple syrup onto her plate, drowning the pancakes. He noticed the can was strange and was confused when he couldn’t read the writing on it. He thought he recognized French but he wasn’t sure.

“Where did you get this from?” he questioned, drizzling a more moderate quantity onto his own plate.

“I bring a gallon back from Canada whenever I visit my family. I can’t stand the fake stuff they have in grocery stores.”

“Wait, you’re Canadian?”

“Yeah, I grew up in Quebec. I moved here for work when a new office opened.” She looked over at his face which was still wearing a confused expression. “Do you have a problem with that?”

Her concern snapped him out of his thoughts. “No, I don’t have a problem with where you’re from. It’s just that last night when you thanked me for my service, I assumed I was serving your country.”

“I think no matter where someone is from, they can understand the concept of wanting to work for their country and understand the toll it takes of someone’s life.” Amber had started playing with the dog-tags around Sy’s neck. He smiled softly. That’s when she noticed the name that was written on the tags.

“Does anyone call you ‘Nathan’ anymore?”

“Not really. Being in the army, no one really uses first names and Syverson got shortened somewhere along the way. Devon and my parent’s still use ‘Nathan’ but most of the people I’m around don’t bother with first names.”

“What are you?” she asked gesturing to the tags.

“I’m a captain.”

“Do you plan to spend your entire career overseas, Captain?” She took a sip of coffee trying to mask just how much she cared about the answer. 

“I’m good at what I do.” He shrugged. “I’ve never had a reason to stay.”

The sound of Amber’s cell phone pulled them from the rapidly increase tension in the room. She walked to the entrance where she had left her purse the night before. Seeing it was Kim, she decided to take the call knowing she’d been too carried away to check in the night before.

“Hey, Kim” she answered.

“You broke protocol, Hamby. You were supposed to give news within an hour of leaving the bar.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m home and we’re just finishing breakfast.”

“We? You mean hot and broody spent the night? Okay, I want details as soon as he’s gone.”

“I’ll call you tonight” she corrected. “Goodbye.”

Amber hung up and walked back to the kitchen with her phone in hand.

“So, do you bother with a phone number or do you not have a reason to need one?” she teased.

Sy smirked. “I have a cell just in case pretty brunettes pick me up in a bar while I’m on leave.”

She slapped his arm playfully and handed him her phone so he could fill out his contact information. He sent himself a text so that he could add her to his contacts when he got home.

Meanwhile, Amber started clearing the dishes and returning things to their rightful places. Syverson set her phone down on the counter and walked to the bedroom to retrieve his shirt which was still on the floor.

“I need to get going” he announced.

“Alright.”

Amber followed him to the door.

“You should let me know when you get your girl back. I’m sure she’d love to play with other dogs. Plus, my yard will probably feel like a refreshing change from your apartment.”

Syverson pulled on his boots and looked down at the woman in front of him. He liked that she wasn’t playing games and was clearly asking to see him again despite everything he’d said.

“I’ll make sure to do that.”

He felt like pulling her into a kiss goodbye but refrained. Instead, he simply stepped out of the house. 

Syverson pulled up to his apartment building half an hour after leaving Amber’s house. He headed for the bedroom as soon as he walked in and plugged his phone which he had left to die after agreeing to meet his brother the night before. The phone lit up and the message he had sent himself appeared on the screen. Another message caught his attention.

**Devon: Please tell me you got her number. I swear, big bro, if you didn’t get her number, I am going to beat your ass. I don’t care about all those fancy muscles of yours.**

**Nathan: Is that legal?**

**Devon: It is when she looks like that and is smart and kind even when you act like a jerk.**

**Nathan: I don’t do relationships you know that.**

**Devon: You should try and give it a chance. Married life is nicer than you think.**

**Nathan: Not when one person spends more than 11 months out of the year getting shot at.**

**Devon: Did you get her number or not?**

**Nathan: Yes. She gave me her number when I left her place this morning.**

**Devon: She managed to take you home? She’s even better than I thought. Hold onto her, even if it’s just casual. Who knows… you might find out you actually like having someone care about you.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Depiction of violence  
> References to domestic abuse  
> Oral (female receiving)  
> Implied smut

Sy arrived at Amber’s house at 7 o’clock on Friday night. It had become their regular meet up time. He would show up after dinner and go home after breakfast. Sometimes they would meet up during the rest of the week if one of them felt a need for it but on those occasions, they would never spend the night at the other’s place. He rang the doorbell with Aika by his side. She too had grown to look forward to seeing her new canine friends. She recognized the house as soon as they pulled into the driveway.

The moment Amber opened the door, Aika bolted inside to the backdoor. Sy, however, was frozen in place.

“What the fuck happened to ya? Who did this? When did this happen? Why didn’t ya mention this before?” he interrogated, finally pushing his way into the house.

“Hello Sy! It’s nice to see you too!” she exaggerated.

“Dammit! Answer me, woman!” he ordered cupping her face. The left side of her face was marked with deep purple bruises around her eye.

She grabbed his wrist gently ignoring how her core burned at the way he called her ‘woman’.

“Go sit on the couch. I’ll get the dogs settled and I’ll explain. Try not to worry yourself to death before I get back.”

He reluctantly backed away from her and went to sit in the living room like she’d ordered. He watched as Amber greeted Aika who was patiently sitting and waiting for someone to let her into the yard where the other dogs were playing. He noticed her wince ever so slightly as she pulled open the sliding door which made his anger surge once again.

Amber walked to the fridge and pulled out two beers before joining Sy on the couch. She sat on the far side, her back against the armrest and pulled her knees up to her chest.

“Now are ya going to tell me who messed up your pretty little face so I can go kick their ass?” he demanded.

Amber could feel her folds dampen and her heart flutter at the way he both complemented her and expressed his protectiveness in the same sentence. _Get a grip, girl. He’s just here for sex._

“There’s no need for that I already did. You remember when I mentioned that I have training on Thursday nights?” Sy nodded. “Well, to be more specific, I do kickboxing. I’ve done martial arts on and off since I was 8.”

“So you took a punch?” he guessed.

“I’m friendly with the owners. They saw that I knew what I was doing the first time I trained, and we got to talking about what kind of fighting experience I had.”

He nodded, obviously confused what this had to do with her face.

“Thursday night, there was this kid. I recognized his type right away because I grew up sparring with guys like him. 17 or 18 years old, eager to prove how strong he is, and doesn’t care who he hurts in the process. He didn’t try to control his hits even if he was going up against people who couldn’t take it. Not everyone in the class can be built like you and not everyone there is prepared to take massive hits. Some just like the workout.”

She paused and took a sip from her beer.

“Mike, one of the owners, came up to me and asked if I could put him in his place. Apparently, the kid had gotten a warning before, but he ignored it. Mike knows I can take a hit and I’ve got a mean roundhouse. He figured if the kid got his ass kicked by a girl it might show him that if he’s prepared to dish it out, he needs to be prepared to take it too and that not everyone is just going to bow down before him.”

“Did it work?” Sy prompted.

“I tested the kid at first, mostly blocking or taking his hits. I saw him get more and more frustrated that I wasn’t showing pain or backing down. He bruised my ribs pretty badly, but I just kept taking the hits. Eventually he got tired and I started to fight back harder. I was landing almost every hit because he kept opening his guard. He was furious. We normally avoid head shots just for the sake of no one getting hurt but he started fighting dirty and got one in while I wasn’t expecting it.”

“He must have been so proud of himself after that” Sy scoffed.

“If he was, it didn’t last long. He opened his guard again and I landed a massive kick to his diaphragm. He dropped on the ground, hyperventilating.”

“Serves him right” Sy grumbled.

“I picked him up, talked him through until his breathing evened out. Mike and I pulled him aside after the class and explained that if he wanted to show off, he could do it elsewhere but if he was willing to learn control, Mike would be more than happy to train him. I made nice with the kid and that was that.”

“That fact that you were nice to him while he was furious must have killed him. I deal with guy’s like that all the time. Young bloods trying to prove their worth. It wasn’t the kick that hurt his pride it was the compassion.”

“It was the right thing to do” Amber shrugged.

“How did people at the office react to you showing up with that black eye?” Sy asked, allowing himself to be amused by the situation now.

“Apparently, someone from my department called HR because a rep came to talk to me about the in-house crisis hotline and said that if I needed help with any personal problems they were there to help out anonymously.”

Sy laughed and stood up from the couch.

“Lemme show ya what a real man does to prove his worth to a woman.”

He took the beer from Amber’s hands and set it down on the far side of the coffee table. He moved her so that she was sitting legs spread on the couch and knelt between them. He started by kissing her while snaking his hands under her shirt. He gently pulled the fabric over her head and discarded her bra. He frowned as he saw the bruising on her ribs.

“Fuck, I swear if I knew that any of my men treated a woman the way that little shit treated you, I would make him regret ever enlisting.”

He lavished her with gentle kisses on her collar bone, down between her breasts and over the bruising on her ribs.

She gasped. “Just because I’m a woman, doesn’t mean I can’t take a punch Sy” she muttered.

“Doesn’t make it okay to leave you looking like this.”

He was working on removing her pants now, trailing kisses down her legs as he pulled them down inch by inch. She was squirming in anticipation. He had always thought she had really defined legs and he now understood it was because of her weekly fighting sessions. Thinking of her, holding her own in a fight made his erection throb.

Once he reached her ankles and tossed the pants aside, he retraced his previous path smoothing his palms up her legs and kissing his way back up the inside of her thigh. He rubbed her still clothed folds while turning his attention to her breasts. He greedily sucked one nipple into his mouth, nipping with his teeth to pull the lewdest moans from her mouth.

“Fuck, you are so hot right now, darlin’.”

“Stop teasing already, Captain. You promised to show me what a real man does with a woman and this just doesn’t quite cut it.”

“So needy” he teased.

He slid both hands to her ass and gently repositioned her closed to the edge of the couch before pulling down her panties. He moved one of her legs over his shoulder and put a heavy hand on the other to keep her spread open for him.

He began by licking her folds in small strokes before moving to gently brush over her clit. Amber moaned encouraging him to continue. With his free hand, he pushed a finger through her soaked folds earning him a loud gasp. He could feel her walls gripping his finger as he began to suck gently on her engorged clit.

He felt Amber’s hand grab the back of his neck, holding him in place. He added a second finger into her folds and moved them to explore her warm core. He circled her clit with his tongue, adding more pressure than before.

Sy hit a certain spot inside Amber that shot pleasure all the way down to her toes. She dug her heel into his back, once again pulling him closer.

“Fuck, Nathan. Don’t stop” she panted. Sy was surprised by her use of his first name, but the way it fell from her lips went straight to his cock. He could feel her clenching and he new she was close. He continued to hit that spot inside her that made her whole body shutter.

“Cum for me, Amber.” He followed up his order by sucking her clit firmly.

She moaned his name again as she was pushed over the edge. The captain continued to lick her folds as she shuddered, taking in all her juices. When she came down from her high, he pulled back, gently removing his fingers from her folds. He looked up at her as she grasped his wrist and pulled his fingers into her mouth cleaning him of her juices.

“You’re still dressed” she observed. “That won’t do.” She pulled off his shirt and pushed him down onto his back, straddling his waist. “Why don’t you show me how a real man fucks a woman.”

He flipped her onto her back, being gentle not to put any weight on her ribs.

“With pleasure.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alcohol  
> Alcohol fueled stories  
> Implied smut

Sy was sitting in Amber’s favorite bar with a table full of soldier he had worked with. Some had passed through while on missions with their units, other were directly under his command. They had decided to meet up while they were in the States because, after all, how often do you get a chance to just sit around and drink with your army buddies while on active duty. He didn’t know why he’d decided to come to this particular place. Maybe it was because she talked about it so much that he figured he’d try it out without having to drink alone or ask her on a date.

“Meanwhile, this idiot decides to bench twice his normal weight with no spotter because the only girl on base walked into the weight room and he nearly suffocates himself to death by dropping the bar on his chest as soon as she walks away. I swear he had burst every blood vessel he had around his eyes from the effort and looked like a zombie for a week” Perez explained mockingly.

The entire table laughed at the story the younger private was telling.

“At least I got to hook-up with her while we were both on leave. It wasn’t for nothing” McNab pointed out.

“I’m glad my girl puts up with me because we all get equally horny while we’re out there but at least I know where my next fuck is coming from” Harper stated.

“I’ll drink to that” Harris added. They clinked their bottles.

“What about you, Cap?” McNab asked.

“What about me, Private?” Sy answered not looking forward to a personal question from one of the soldiers under his watch.

“You never talk about having a girl, but you never talk about chasing tail either.” Perez prompted.

“Maybe that’s because I respect the women I fuck enough not to brag about them to horny soldiers.” Syverson retorted.

“Speaking of women, check out the girl who just walked in” McNab stated.

Syverson had his back to the door and didn’t feel particularly interested in checking out some random women so he didn’t turn around and simply exchanged a look with Harper.

“Man, she is way out of your league, there is no way you could get with her.” Perez taunted.

A woman’s laugh caught Syverson’s attention. Sy turned around and, sure enough, Amber was sitting at the bar chatting with the bartender. _I guess this is what she does on Saturday nights_ he thought. Just then, he had an idea. Admittedly, he wasn’t proud of it, but he was curious to see whether Amber considered them exclusive or if she would be interested in someone else.

“I’ll tell you what” Sy began, looking back at his private. “If you can get that girl’s number, the next round’s on me. If she shoots you down, the next round’s on you.”

“You’ve got a fucking deal, Cap.” McNab stated, standing up.

On the other side of the bar, Amber was deep in conversation with her friend.

“How’s the bar doing?” Amber asked.

“Things are going pretty well. I’ve been doing some social media promotion and it seems to have worked. Tonight, would have been a slow night though if those soldiers over there hadn’t come in” the bartender explained.

“Speaking of which, one of them is coming over here” Kevin warned.

Amber turned as the young man sat next to her.

“Hi” he said with a charming smile.

“Hey” she answered, trying to be friendly. She glanced over in the direction where the stranger had come from and saw a familiar broody figure sitting at a table full of soldiers who were all staring in their direction.

“What are you doing here all alone on a Saturday night? Are you meeting some friends?” he inquired, his smile never faltering.

“I’m friends with the owner, he’s the only person I came to see.”

 _What is Sy playing at? Clearly, he would have come and said “hi” rather than just let his soldier come hit on me._ That’s when it dawned on her. Sy had mentioned he was having drinks with some of the guys he served with. He also mentioned that some of them thought they were God’s gift to woman. _“They would never force themselves on someone, but they’ll pull out every line in the book to try to take ‘em home”_ he had said.

“Well, can I buy you a drink and keep you company all the same?”

“Can I give you some advice?” she began. His smile finally dropped, replaced by a confused look. “The next time you make a bet with you C.O., make sure the girl you’re betting on isn’t sleeping with him” she suggested with a hint of amusement as she got up and walked across the room to the table of soldiers.

McNab looked at the bartender who was trying and failing to hide his amusement.

“Another round?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah, five beers” he said in defeat.

The bartender prepared five beers and a glass of whiskey.

“That what she drinks” he explained to the soldier who took out his wallet to pay.

At the table, all the soldiers looked as confused as McNab had been, except for Sy who had a shit eating grin.

“That was a little cruel don’t you think?” Amber scolded.

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about” Sy retorted.

Seeing that there were no empty seats at the table, other than McNab’s, she pushed Sy back in his chair and sat on one of his large thighs.

McNab returned shortly after, followed by a waitress who distributed the drinks.

Amber lifted her glass to the bartender, knowing that the addition to the order was his doing.

Perez was the first to speak up.

“Are you gonna introduce us or are we just gonna pretend to understand what the hell just happened?”

“Apparently the captain set me up by betting on a girl who’s already spoken for.” McNab grunted.

“Serves you right kid” Harper laughed.

“Ladies, this is Amber. Amber, these are the ladies I’m supposed to babysit while I’m away. Oh, and this is Harper.” He gestured to him separately deeming him worthy of an actual introduction seeing as he had not glared at her ass when she walked in.

“Come on, Cap, give us a bit more credit” Harris protested. “We have your back out there, just as much as you have ours.”

Syverson smiled and nodded at his sergeant.

“So Amber, did you really come in just to talk to the bartender or are you checking on the captain here to make sure he behaves?” McNab challenged.

“I drink for free here ‘cause I helped Kev out when he first bought the place. Word of advice, boys: when you get drunk and start talking with your buddies about how cool it would be to own a bar, don’t actually buy a bar.”

Sy moved his hand to her thigh without realizing it but the gesture wasn’t lost on Amber.

She continued to talk with the soldiers and listen to their stories. She couldn’t help but notice that Sy’s behaviour was much different with them than it had been the first night they met. He was more outspoken, dominant, and sarcastic with the privates, sometimes saying things that could be considered humiliating like when he had introduced them as “ladies” but none of them seemed to take offense. There was no doubt that the boys had much respect for him as their leader.

The soldiers didn’t seem to mind that a woman had crashed their little reunion. She had just as many ridiculous stories to tell as they did.

“Had this friend back home who was a ridiculous drunk” Amber recounted. “You know the expression ‘hold my beer’? Well, this guy was always too far gone to remember to ask someone to hold his beer when he did something stupid. One time, to try and prove he wasn’t drunk, he decided he was going to back flip into the pool. He was about to do it when someone pointed out that he was still holding his beer. He decided to do it anyway. So there he goes, he manages a half-assed backflip off the edge of the pool, spilling most of the beer in the process, but somehow achieved to keep the bottle out of the water as he fell in, saving what was left of the beer.”

“What a legend” Perez snorted.

“And when we were 18, that same kid calls me up on his way to my house party and to ask where I live. Turns out, this guy had decided to skateboard to my place to avoid driving but he hadn’t actually bought his beer yet so he stopped at a convenience store near his house to get an 18 pack. That’s when he calls me up, only to realize I live, like, a one hour ride away from his house. He had to skateboard with like 25 pounds of beer on his shoulder.”

“How do guys like that manage to get fake IDs?” Syverson commented in disbelief.

“Canadian remember? Legal age to drink is 18 in Quebec. Not that it ever stopped him. He showed up to school in 10th grade with a one-liter bottle of cheap, but strong beer at 7:45 in the morning.”

“That guy would have been a hero in my fraternity.” McNab joked.

“Yeah, well, I’m glad he was never in one. I picked him up off the ground too many times. The same house party he skateboarded to, I physically lost him for about an hour. No one could find him anywhere in the house and no one outside remembered seeing him. Turns out, he had gone down into the yard to throw up and just passed out on the side of the house in a dark corner.”

“I hope my kid doesn’t grow up to do stuff like that but knowing what a little shit I was, it’s probably inevitable” Harper thought out loud.

“When’s Anne due?” Syverson asked with genuine interest in Harper’s personal life.

“In four weeks. Timing was kinda fucked up because she got pregnant while I was on leave. My tour wasn’t finished yet but at least I was able to get state-side in time for the birth.”

“What are you going to do now?” Amber asked.

“I’m gonna be stationed somewhere in the US and Anne is going to move to wherever I am. Maybe, when the kid is older, I’ll go back overseas or maybe I’ll find something else so I can stay home with my kid.” Harper looked at his watch. “I should go. Anne’s been having enough trouble sleeping without me walking in at 1 am.”

Harper stood and made his way around the table to say his goodbyes. Amber leaned in so only Sy could hear while the others were distracted.

“You wanna take me home?” she whispered rolling her hips ever so slightly.

“Well, when you ask so nicely” he responded, grabbing her ass firmly.

“Gentleman, it was a pleasure seeing y’all but I’m gonna head out too” Syverson declared, pushing Amber up off his lap.

“What’s wrong old man? Can’t keep up with us?” Perez quipped.

“You’re gettin’ push-ups for that remark when we get back next month. Enjoy the rest of your leave, ladies ‘cause we ain’t gettin’ another for a while.”

Once the goodbyes were over, they walked out of the bar. They both took their own cars to get back to Syverson’s apartment.

Amber gripped the wheel firmly, trying to ignore what Syverson had said to his soldiers but it kept coming up in the back of her mind. _He’s leaving in a month. You knew this. You knew it was only sex._ Still, the thought of letting Sy go made her heart ache.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oral (Male receiving)

Sy woke alone in his bed. Under normal circumstances, this would be a regular Sunday morning. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed seeing as last night, or actually this morning, he had fallen asleep with Amber in his arms and he had hoped to wake up the same way. He got up from the bed, threw on some basketball shorts with nothing underneath and walked to the kitchen. He found it odd when he opened the bedroom door and wasn’t immediately met with Aika. As he approached the kitchen, he heard something sizzling on the stove. Finally, he turned the corner and saw Amber shaking her butt as she cooked what smelled like bacon, eggs and sausage.

He leaned on the wall, arms crossed, completely mesmerized by the sight in front of him. She was wearing one of his ratty old t-shirts he takes on deployment. He could just make out the edge of her underwear below the shirt whenever it pulled up from her movements. _I could get used to this_ he thought as he looked around to find his girl, Aika, was dutifully standing guard next to Amber. Either that or she was hoping the woman would slip her some food.

Amber turned around to get some plates and stopped in her tracks realizing that Sy was staring at her. She pulled out her earphones and paused the music.

“Have you been staring at my ass while I cook?” she asked with mock indignation.

“I would never do that” he smirked.

“Really? ‘Cause from the look of those shorts, I’d say you have been” she countered as she walked over to him.

Syverson glanced down and sure enough, his shorts were doing absolutely nothing to hide his growing erection.

“Fine, I was watchin’ ya” he admitted as she pawed his bulge.

“Well, I better help you with that, otherwise, I don’t think you’ll make it through breakfast.”

She got to her knees and immediately pulled down his shorts. _No sense in teasing him_ she thought, he had done that to himself just by watching her. She started by giving his tip a few tentative licks before taking it into her mouth. She stroked him with one hand and brushed the other over his abs, feeling the outline of his muscles.

The feeling of her fingers trailing over his stomach sent a shiver up his spine. He watched her as he pulled her hair back into a ponytail to give himself something to hold on to. Falling into a rhythm, she started taking him deeper. Sy leaned his head back onto the wall panting heavily. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such frequent sex and yet every time she touched him, he felt hornier than a college student.

He was working hard, trying to resist letting himself get carried away, but his hips bucked sharply. His erection hit the back of her throat.

“Fuck, I’m sorry” he began to apologize. He looked down as he felt her pull back.

“Don’t worry, Captain” she reassured. “Do you want to be deep in my mouth?” she cooed.

“God, yes” he exclaimed.

Before he could realize what she was doing, she had returned to her task, relaxing her throat and took him in until her nose was buried in his pubic hair.

Sy groaned and cursed loudly.

She used both hands to pin his hips against the wall and slowly started moving keeping him in her throat. She continued until she needed to breathe then pulled back resuming her pumping with her hand.

Once she’d caught her breath, Amber repeated the same motion taking his entire length in her mouth. Sy watched her in amazement, reaching up to trace her lips with his thumb. His chest was heaving with every shallow breath he took.

“Amber” he moaned. “I’m gonna” he trailed off.

She pulled back just enough to get him out of her throat and proceeded to pump and suck him at a quickened pace. His hips bucked and his whole body shuddered as he released into her mouth. She gently sucked his tip until she felt the streaks dry up then locked eyes with Syverson. She held her mouth open, head tilted back, so he could see his seed on her tongue, then swallowed.

“How come you never mentioned you could do that before?” he panted still impressed that she had taken all of him so easily.

“To be honest, I can’t always do it” she shrugged. “It depends on the guy, it depends on the position.”

Amber pulled his shorts back up before moving to the stove to resume plating breakfast.

“Ya know, you don’t have to cook when you’re here. I spend most Saturday’s at your place and you always make me breakfast. The least I could do is return the favor.”

“I love cooking. I mean, you’ve seen my house, the only thing that has been properly renovated since I moved is the kitchen.”

They sat down at his little table. His apartment barely had any furniture, just the essentials. He didn’t even have a proper TV since he was never around long enough to merit having one. Other times, when he was home on leave, he’d mostly helped his brother work on his house or driven to visit his parents. His apartment was just cheaper than a storage unit to keep his possessions.

“Last night, did you say that you and the guys were shipping out next month?” Amber asked, trying to conceal her disappointment.

“Yeah, orders came in on Friday. We ship out in 3 weeks.”

He ran a hand over his beard. He’d felt very conflicted when he got the call. On the one hand, he felt guilty for not telling Amber immediately but on the other, she had no loyalty to him. They had never talked about being exclusive or being in a relationship of any kind.

Sy took some pieces of egg off his plate and gave it to Aika who had been giving the pair her best puppy dog eyes.

“What’s the rest of your day like?” Sy asked, trying to avoid delving deeper into the subject.

“The girls are coming over to my place for a movie night. Apparently, Molly got her heart broken again.”

“Is that the one that was dry humpin’ a frat boy at the bar the first time we met?”

“The very one. She’s still in the ‘figuring out what I want in a man’ part of her adult life. She hasn’t been in a steady relationship the entire time I’ve known her.”

“What about you?”

Sy wasn’t sure why he was asking the question. So far, they had talked about their jobs, common interests, their dogs but never about past relationships. The subject of family came up once or twice, but she was always reluctant to talk about hers, so he didn’t push.

“I dated around as a teenager which doesn’t really count except maybe that I learned how I didn’t like to be treated. Then, I was with the same guy for five years, realized that what I needed from him had changed along the way and that we were no longer a good fit. After that, I dated on and off, here and there but nothing worked out obviously.” She paused to sip her coffee, trying to think of how to continue.

“I can’t imagine your dating life is any better, what with your career being what it is.”

“I dated when I was in college and a little bit while I was still stationed in the States but like ya said, my job bein’ what it is, it never works out.”

“Would you want it to” she asked tentatively.

“I’m not sure what ya mean.” He looked at her, but she was staring down at her plate.

“What Harper has, a wife waiting for him at home, with a kid on the way. Is that what you want in your life and you just think you can’t have it, or do you not want it at all?”

Syverson pondered her question. He’d always admired Harper for the way he tried so hard to make his marriage work. _Married life is nicer than you think_ his brother had said when he first met Amber.

“I guess I never let myself want it because I didn’t want someone to sit around waiting for me to come home when it might never happen. Harris, McNab, Perez, they all depend on me to get them back safely. If that means I die in the process, then at least I’ll have done my job.”

He got up and took the dishes to the kitchen to be cleaned. Amber’s heart ached once again. As much as she would want to be with him, she understood that his job was probably the most fulfilling part of his life and she didn’t want to be the one that took it away from him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unprotected Sex  
> Mentions of: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts and depression

Syverson was shipping out on Monday morning so Amber had suggested he spend the whole weekend with her to “get his fill” before he was stuck with a bunch of men in the middle of the desert for an undetermined amount of time.

They had spent the weekend going at it on every possible surface in the house including the couch, the floor, the kitchen island, the shower, the couch again, the hallway wall and, of course, the bedroom.

Amber had decided to make fried chicken and pecan pie, some of Sy’s favorite foods, for his last home cooked meal. He had insisted on helping, feeling guilty for letting her do all the work. She started making the pie crust in the early afternoon on Sunday to give it enough time to properly chill and rest before shaping it and adding the filling. She showed Sy how to cut in the shortening and how to knead the dough properly.

“Easy there, Cap. You don’t need that much flour, just enough to stop it from sticking to the board.”

Syverson looked up from the crust he was currently shaping into a ball and saw that white powder had completely covered his hands and wrists, even getting caught in his arm hair. He smirked, glancing over at Amber who was working next to him.

Amber yelped as Syverson’s large hand came down on her butt with a loud smack, leaving a white handprint on her black leggings. She glared at him briefly, before a glimmer of malice made its way into her gaze. She swiped her hand on the counter, picking up a heavy coating of flour before rubbing it into Syversons beard.

Sy launched himself at Amber who screeched and tried to escape around the island. Amber managed to pull open the back door before Sy got to her and ran into the yard. The dogs followed around excitedly, jumping on Amber and Sy as they passed by. Amber felt the cool fall wind blowing through her hair.

Syverson caught her by the waist, threw her squealing form over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing and made his way back inside. Sy brought Amber to the couch and pressed his face to her chest, transferring some of the flour to her shirt as she continued to giggle excitedly. The cool air had made her nipples harden and were very visible under the sheer fabric of her shirt. 

Sy brushed a thumb over her nipple causing Amber to push her chest upwards into his palm. Sy shifted their bodies so he was laying atop Amber with one of his thighs between her legs. They were still for a moment staring deep into each other’s eyes before he bent down, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. He began to trail kisses down her neck to her collarbone, lightly tickling her with his beard as he moved.

Amber pushed her hips upwards, grinding on Syverson’s muscular thigh, providing her with the most delightful sensation through the thin cotton of her leggings. She brushed her fingers across his back, moving his shirt up and over his head. She discarded him of his pants next, kicking then down and leaving him in his black boxer briefs. She placed a hand on Syverson’s chest and pushed him up so she could see his toned body.

“God, how are you this hot without any Photoshop?”

“I could ask you the same thing” he replied with a chuckle. “Everything about ya makes me crazy.”

He kissed her temple.

“Those gorgeous green eyes.”

He kissed her lips.

“That devilish mouth." 

Her kissed down her chest. 

"These perky little breasts." 

He kissed down the side of her stomach and gripped the waist of her leggings pulling them down.

"These sexy curves." 

He removed her pants, kissing the inside of her legs. 

"These strong thighs, that look mighty good wrapped around me, by the way.”

Amber’s stomach was burning with desire. She watched attentively as Sy pointed out everything he liked about her body. She could do the same for his with a list about a mile long. 

Amber pulled Sy back up to her lips, locking him in for a deep kiss.

“I need you inside me, please” she gasped when finally pulling away to breath.

“Let me get a condom” Sy said as he started to get up. Amber caught his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

“I’m on the pill. Please, let me feel you” she begged.

Sy nodded and shifted to pull down his boxers, finally freeing his erection, then discarded Amber’s thong.

He positioned himself between her legs and stroked his tip up and down her folds, coating himself in her juices. He held on to her hips and he slowly guided himself into Amber.

Amber moaned as he breached her unprepared core, reveling at the feeling of being so full. Sy continued to push until he was completely sheathed, then held still, letting Amber adjust. He bent over her, pressing his chest to hers. He placed a hand on her cheek, brushing her lips with his thumb.

“So beautiful” he whispered, before leaning down into a passionate kiss. He began to move at a slow, intimate rythme. She wrapped her legs around his waist the way he liked, holding him to her, never wanting to let go.

***

Amber and Sy were now laying in bed tangled up in one another after an incredible meal and yet another round of sex. Syverson was tracing Amber’s body trying to memorize every curve, every ridge, every imperfection.

“Hey, I meant to ask, what are those dots on your forearm? They kinda look like birthmarks, but I feel like there’s too many of ‘em.”

“Oh, those” she muttered looking down at her wrist. “I was a really angsty teenager.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I was really anxious and depressed. It came and went but ‘feeling like shit’ was my predominant mood from age 12 to 22. I probably should have gotten help earlier along the way, but I had a friend who’d had two suicide attempts and I always just thought “I can’t be that bad. I just feel like dying I don’t actually try to do it.” When I was 15, I was having a really bad day and I remember just ripping the skin on my wrist until it made a nasty scab. Seeing the injury… It was soothing in a twisted way. Problem was, I training in short sleeves and I knew I’d have to hide it so, eventually, I started hurting myself in a way that people didn’t notice as much. I thought it was smart because it didn’t leave scars it just darkened my skin a little. That’s why I have all those spots on my left forearm.”

“Did your family help you get better?”

Amber scoffed loudly.

“My family made it worse. When my grades started dropping in university, my ex went with me to ask my doctor for some help. I tried maybe half a dozen different medications over a year before it started getting better. I haven’t needed them since I moved away from home though. I’ve been able to manage it in other ways.”

“How’d your family make it worse?”

“My parents weren’t exactly bad they were just… not what I needed” she sighed. “Everyone in my immediate family had good jobs and university degrees. They always pushed us to get good grades and to value education above all else. I trained at my karate school because it helped me get out of the house and get my mind off things but whenever I got home, my parents and I would fight about me not giving school enough time or about my grades not being as good as they thought they should be. I never told them that my training was the only thing keeping me from totally breaking down because I didn’t want to talk to my parents. I didn’t feel close to them, I didn’t trust them with my problems, I didn’t want them to know about anything going on with me because I felt they didn’t deserve to know. Instead of letting me try to deal with things my own way, they used to lock me in a room with them and I couldn’t leave until I had talked about enough of my private life to satisfy them. If I’d had a diary, I’m sure my mom would have read it.”

Amber paused trying to keep the anger from rising in her.

“They aren’t bad people. They just… You know how some people you just don’t like? The smallest things about them irritate you even if they’ve never done something to wrong you? That’s how it was for me. I couldn’t stand my moms voice. I felt like slapping her whenever she spoke, she was just so irritating to me.”

“Are they why you left Canada?”

“I mean, I could have stayed in the country, but when I heard that there was an opportunity to keep my job and just do it in a different office, I jumped at the chance, I didn’t care where it was. By then, I was already living on my own, but I had so many bad memories of the city where I lived. There was this one stretch of road I used to drive on. I took that street to go to my karate school two or three times a week. It got to a point where I thought ‘ _no one would question it if I crashed the car. At night, it’s poorly lit and there aren’t many other cars. They’d probably assume I just lost control or swerved around an animal_.’ Desperation that strong, the feeling doesn’t just… go away. I still remember it whenever I’m there and it’s unpleasant.”

“I’m glad you asked for help. I wish more people would do it. I hear stories all the time of soldier’s who look tough as nails when their deployed but don’t get the help they need when they get home. It happened to one of my men last year. He couldn’t adapt when his tour was over and his girlfriend hadn’t realized what he was going through until she found him in their apartment.”

“That’s horrible, I’m so sorry. I know how much you care about them.”

“Would you do it again? If you started getting depressed, would you ask for help again?”

“Yes, especially now that I know how much better I got once we got the medication right.”

“Good, I won’t have to worry about ya when I’m gone. You can handle yourself… physically and mentally.”

Amber yawned.

“Oh? You were going to worry about me?” Amber whispered.

“I mean, uh, with the impression you left on my privates they’ll probably never let me stop thinkin’ about ya.”

“Right.”

Amber nuzzled further into Syverson’s neck, feeling his pulse on her nose.

“I’m really glad you came to see me at the bar” he confessed after a while.

Amber giggle, half asleep.

“Yeah, sorry for crashing guys’ night.”

“No, I mean with Devon. I’m glad you came to introduce yourself.”

Amber mumbled something that sounded like “me too” before she was completely asleep.

***

The next morning, Amber woke up to an empty bed. All of Sy’s packs were gone. She walked to the window hoping his truck would still be in the driveway, but she only saw her own little hatchback.

***

Sy pulled up to his brother’s house around 5 am on Monday. He hadn’t had the heart to say a proper goodbye to Amber. She’d looked so peaceful when he woke, that he didn’t want to see or remember any other face.

“Hey, Dev” Sy greeted.

“Hey, you ready to go?”

“Yeah, I’ve got everything in the back.”

“Where’s your girlfriend? She’s not going to see you off?” Devon questioned, getting into the truck.

“She’s not my girlfriend, Dev.” Sy argued.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me. Nate, you spent, what, two months seeing her every week sometimes more than once and you’re gonna tell me she’s not your girlfriend? Would it be so fucking bad for you to actually try to be happy?” Devon rarely raised his voice at his brother, he felt that Syverson needed a little kick in the ass.

“Dev, I only had a two-month leave, and I don’t know when I’m coming back. It’s not like I could get out of it and not gonna start something and just leave it unfinished” Sy rationalized.

“In my opinion, bro, that’s exactly what you did.”


	8. Chapter 8

Sy couldn’t help but feel a little lonely being back on base but, for the most part, he was so busy with work that he didn’t have much spare time to dwell on anything else. As soon as he had met up with his team, they had asked about Amber. He refused to answer in front of everyone, of course, instead giving them some sarcastic response which simultaneously insulting McNab’s ability to seduce women.

Even Aika had seemed to not quite be her normal, cheery self since they’d left that Monday morning. Sy was laying in his bed with Aika looking dreadful by his side. He gave her a scratch behind the ear.

“You miss her too, don’t ya, girl.” She shifted around laying her head on his chest, staring straight at him with her big brown eyes. “I know. I loved her, too.”

Six full months had gone by before Sy considered calling Amber to see how she was doing and to let her know he was still alive. He didn’t have a way to contact her by email, Skype or Facetime since his camp was too far in the middle of nowhere and because he wouldn’t have even known her contact information, but he did have a satellite phone.

It was 8 PM in Pennsylvania, as good a time as any to call her. He dialed up her number and the line started to ring. When he finally heard her voice, it turned out to be a pre-recorded message.

“Hi, I’m taking a week of vacation in Canada from May 23rd to May 30th. Internet based contact would be best if it’s urgent, otherwise, leave a message and I’ll get back to you when I return to the States.”

Sy hung up the call. It was May 25th so he would have to wait another week to call her back but hearing how cheerful she sounded in her voicemail message gave him some renewed strength.

***

Sy waited another month before trying to contact her again. At first, he reasoned that her first week back from vacation would be too busy at work so there was no point in bothering her. Then he started making excuses like “it was too early or too late to call” when he had a spare moment. Eventually he ran out of excuses and realized he was simply afraid to call after having waited so long, giving her yet another reason to be angry on top of leaving without saying goodbye.

He finally let go of his ego after a particularly nasty night raid that had killed one of his men. He was feeling guilty and he wanted desperately to hear her voice. In the back of his mind, there was also the notion that one day it might be him laying on the stretcher and he didn’t want to feel like he had missed out on the only woman he’d ever truly loved by chickening out of a phone call. 

He dialed the satellite phone once more. He was confused when he was met with the same voicemail message as last time. The message still said that she should be back in the states by now. After all it was June 29th. He decided to call his brother instead, still feeling like he needed a little comfort from home.

“Hello?” he heard Devon say.

“Hey, little brother.”

“Nathan, hi! How are you doing? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Can’t say the same for one of my guys though.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“How’s Sarah doin’?”

“She’s good. Actually, she’s pregnant!”

“Seriously? Congrats Dev!”

“You can’t tell mom and dad yet. We were waiting a couple of weeks but seeing as you don’t exactly call every day, I figure this is as good a time as any.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t break the news before you do.”

“You heard from Amber lately?”

“Actually, I tried to call her before I called you. I tried for the first time last month and her voicemail message said she was in Canada ‘till June but when I called just now I got the same message.”

“That’s weird. You think something might be up with her?”

“I don’t know. Do you think…”

“Do I think what?”

“Could ya maybe swing by her place and see if she’s okay? Maybe she forgot to change the message and it’s just me she’s sending to voicemail. If she doesn’t want to hear from me that’s fine… but I’d still like to know for sure.”

“Of course, what’s her address?”

***

Devon got out of his car at the address Sy had given him. He walked up to the door and rang the bell. He heard a dog bark from inside. Actually, it sounded more like multiple dogs. A blond girl answered the door.

“Hey, you’re soldier dude’s brother” Kim stated with a smile.

“I’m sorry, have we met?” he said confused.

“Sorry, not really, I’m Kim. I was at the bar the night your brother met Amber. Come in if you don’t mind dogs.”

Devon walked inside and followed Kim to the couch.

“So, what can I do for you?”

“Apparently Nathan’s been trying to reach Amber, but she’s not been picking up. He wanted to know if she was avoiding his calls because she was angry or something.”

“Oh my god” Kim gasped bringing her hand to her mouth. “Of course, he doesn’t know. I didn’t even think about him.”

“Doesn’t know what? What’s going on?”

***

Sy had gotten caught up in work again and wasn’t able to call Devon back to see if he had reached Amber.

It reassured him that, at least, if something were indeed wrong, Devon would do anything he could to help her. That thought had him sleeping more soundly at night. He was once again able to focus on briefings, paperwork and, most of all, raids. They’d gotten information too important to let go and had executed three recon missions and two night raids in two weeks.

He was told by his major that his unit would be moving again now that their work in the region was over. They were going to go to back to a military base before receiving their next orders.

Being on an actual military installation, Syverson took the opportunity to Skype Devon rather than call. He was hoping to finally get news about Amber.

As soon as Devon’s face came on the screen, Sy could tell that something was off.

“Hey, Nate! How’s it going?” Devon asked as cheerfully as he could manage.

“Good, all things considered. How’s Sarah? Have you told Ma about the pregnancy yet?”

“Yeah, she was really excited about getting her first grandchild. Pa had to take the phone away from her, she was babbling so much. Sarah’s doing great. She hasn’t been sick that much which we’re both thankful for.”

Sy nodded.

"Did you get a chance to go see Amber?” he asked tentatively.

“I went to her place, but she wasn’t there. Her friend Kim answered the door. Apparently, she was at the bar that first night.” He raised his eyebrow quizzically.

“Yeah, the blond girl” Syverson confirmed.

“Right, so she said that she was staying with the dogs until Amber got back from Canada. She gave me a number you could call to reach her.”

“What aren’t you telling me, Dev?”

Devon gave him a guilty look but didn’t speak.

“Devon those dogs are like her kids, there’s no way she would have willingly left them with Kim if she was leaving for longer than a week” Sy frowned.

“She uh… Kim said something about you ‘not knowing yet’ and that ‘Amber should be the one to tell you herself’. She didn’t tell me anything more.” Devon bit his lower lip nervously.

“What else?” Sy grunted.

“Well… When Kim took out her phone to give me the number, uh, the contact name was Steven. I’m sorry, man. I don’t know anything else and I’m really hoping it’s not what it looks like.”

Syverson did his best to keep a neutral face but he couldn’t help the flaring of his nostrils.

“Oh, uh, alright. Give me the number. Did she tell you which time zone Amber was in?”

“Yeah, she said it was a Quebec number so you could call her now if you wanted.”

Syverson took down the number and said his goodbyes to his brother.

The next day, Syverson managed to get his hands on a satellite phone.

A man’s voice came on the line.

“Hello?”

“Hi, uh, my name is Nathan Syverson. Kim gave me this number to reach Amber.”

“Oh yeah, let me just wake her up” the man said in a heavy accent. 

Syverson felt guilty for having to wake up Amber and little jealous that she was staying with another man.

He heard shuffling through the speaker.

“Ambs… Hey, Ambs.”

“Fuck off, Steve, I’ve had like six hours of sleep in the last two day.”

Syverson smiled. Amber was direct as always even when half asleep.

“ _Tu veux parler à ton soldat ou pas_ *?" 

He wasn’t sure what the man said but it must have worked because Amber’s voice came on the line instantly. 

"Nathan?” she mumbled.

"Yeah, darlin’. It’s me.”

“I’m really glad you called. I’m glad you’re okay” she sighed in relief.

Syverson let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in.

“You were a hard woman to reach.”

“I was beginning to think I’d never hear from you. Not that you’d said you’d call or anything but after 8 months I figured you’d have tried by now if you wanted to.”

“I tried calling back in May, but I got your voicemail. When I still couldn’t get through after a month, I got worried and sent Dev to your place." 

"I thought you said you weren’t going to worry about me?” she tried to sound teasing, but it came out sounding more hurt than humorous.

“Obviously, I was wrong.” Syverson took a deep breath. "So, is that guy the reason you didn’t go back to the States?“ 

"Steve? No, he’s a friend from high school. He let me crash at his place when I found out I needed to stay. He offered to go get the kids for me, but he lives in a small condo and there’s no room for them. Plus, he already has two dogs of his own.”

“What’s going on? Why can’t you go back?”

"Can I ask you something first?” she requested, her voice beginning to falter.

“Of course, Amber.”

“Remember when I asked if you wanted what Harper has?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you… figured it out yet?” her voice cracked like she was holding back tears.

Syverson dropped his gaze to his feet. He wasn’t sure why she wanted to know or even which answer she wanted to hear, but in the last few weeks, worrying about Amber and missing her so much, had made him realize something he’d never known before then.

“Yes, I want the wife and family, but only if I’m around to be with them. It’s one or the other for me. For the right girl, I’d come back, and I’d leave all this behind me.”

Amber was sobbing now, unable to hold back the tears any longer.

“I’m sorry, Nathan. I’m sorry I have to tell you like this. I don’t know if you want to be with me, or if you ever wanted to be with me, but I can’t be with you. Not now, not ever. I can’t be the woman you want. I can’t be the reason you have to give up your dreams.”

“Amber, where… where is this coming from?” he stammered. 

“I wish things were different, but they aren’t. Please don’t fight me on this, okay? I’m doing this because… I love you and I’m doing my best not to be selfish.”

Her voice was so pained, Syverson struggled to keep his own voice steady. The last thing he wanted was to lash out at her and cause her more pain. He just wanted to make sure she was alright, and she was being decidedly vague about what was going on.

“Amber why are you saying this? I love you, too. Please, let’s talk about this” he pleaded. 

Sy could hear Amber heaving heavily. He heard footsteps approach her and Steve’s voice came back on the phone.

“She’s having a panic attack. I’m going to hang up for her.”

“Alright, please take care of her.”

The line went dead.

Syverson didn’t know how exactly he got to the base gym other than by pure instinct. He punched the bags until his hands hurt, then continued some more. He didn’t stop until Harris put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, Cap. You should probably take a break. We’re already gonna have to disinfect the bag, we don’t need it to be broken as well.”

Syverson looked at the bag, actually looked at it, because although he’d probably been staring at it for hours, he’d been in too much of a fog to realize it was stained red with his blood.

He didn’t attempt to call Amber again. 

* French translates to: _Do you want to talk to your soldier or not?_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illness (cancer)  
> Infertility

Syverson had a 30 day leave in November, his first since he’d returned overseas. As usual, his brother was the one to pick him up with Sy’s truck. After the normal banter on the drive back, Devon chose to try his luck, and worked Amber into the conversation. 

“She’s back you know. I saw her downtown when I was having lunch with some colleagues.”

“It doesn’t matter if she’s back. She doesn’t want me.”

“I somehow find it hard to believe that she went into a full-on panic attack from simply telling you she wasn’t interested in a relationship. Your version of the phone call took about 60 seconds to sum up and I’m pretty sure there’s more to it than that." 

Syverson avoided eye contact, staring at the road ahead.

"Nate, please. Don’t wait ‘till the last day of your leave to try and sort this out because if you do, and it’s all just a misunderstanding, you’ll be kicking yourself for not having done it sooner” he implored. 

Sy knew his brother was right, of course. He desperately wanted to see her even if it was just so that his last memories of her, weren’t of her sobbing into the phone. 

“I’ll think about it” he muttered evasively. 

“I’ll take it” Devon sighed in relief.

His first stop after dropping Devon off was the grocery store. He was starving after the long flight and he knew there was nothing in the apartment fridge. After his hunger was managed, and he felt he could think more clearly, he weighed his options for contacting Amber.

He could text or call her, but it would be too easy for her to ignore him. He glanced at his watch and determined that she’d most likely be home from work within the hour.

“Wanna go see Echo, Hades and Luna?” he asked the shepherd laying at his feet. Her ears perked up and she lifted her head to face her owner, barking twice for good measure.

“I’ll take that as a yes." 

He decided to shower and change, wanting to at least attempt to look presentable for the woman he was still very much in love with.

Soon enough, he was outside Amber’s door, waiting for her to answer. He heard the familiar whimpering of the pack of canines coming from inside the house. He held on to Aika’s collar making sure she didn’t simply run in like she used to.

Sy’s heart sank when Amber opened the door. Her hair up in a messy bun. She looked exhausted; her face marked with large dark circles under her eyes. She was wearing shorts and a camisole even if there was a strong winter chill in the air. He noticed that she seemed leaner than before like her muscle mass had diminished or like she’d lost weight.

"You’re home” was all she said. 

“For a month” he nodded.

She stepped aside, gesturing for him to come in. As soon as Sy let go of her collar, Aika bolted to the other dogs and started playing excitedly. Amber pulled open the back door for the four dogs to go jump around in the few inches of snow that had covered the yard. Sy stepped inside, removing his coat and boots before following her to the kitchen.

She pulled two beers from the fridge and placed one on the island where they had shared their first meal together. Sy sat down and gladly took the offered beer.

Impatient to figure out what had happened, Sy blurted out a question in an annoyed tone.

“Now that I’m here, are you gonna give me another bullshit speech about how you’re trying to not to be selfish after telling me that you love me or am I finally gonna get the truth?" 

"Sy, please” she pleaded in a weak voice, her eyes already turning red.

 _Fuck, I’m an asshole._ He quickly made his way to where Amber was standing and pulled her to him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to attack you like that. I missed you so much while I was away. I’ve never felt like that about leaving. I couldn’t stand the thought that I had hurt you even if I didn’t know how." 

She shook her head vigorously.

"No, it’s not you. It was never your fault. It’s all because of me.”

“Would you, please, explain why you had to go back home for so long after you told me how much it hurt you to be there?”

“I… I got sick.”

He pulled his head back to look at her. 

“What kind of sick?”

“Cancer.” She pulled away from him and walked to sit on the couch, tucking herself into the corner with her knees pulled to her chest. 

Sy stood in the kitchen processing what she’d just admitted.

“How bad?”

“Early stages. They said they could treat it with surgery with minimal chance that it would come back.”

“So, nothing life threatening now?” he asked hopefully.

She shook her head.

“If you’re gonna get better, why were you so afraid to tell me?” He moved closer to her now.

“Because this means I can’t give you what you want.”

“What do I want that you can’t give me?” he asked, confused.

Amber was scraping the label off the bottle with her nails, avoiding looking at Sy.

He moved to sit in front of her and put a hand of her cheek, pulling her face up so they could lock eyes.

“Amber, sweetheart, what is it that you think you can’t give me?”

“A family, Nathan. I can’t have kids anymore.”

Syverson connected the dots in his mind.

“Darlin’, I’ve never cared about anyone the way I care for ya. I’ve never admired someone so much for their strength and resilience. I never wanted the family life before I met you and a family doesn’t have to be a wife and kids. If that’s truly what we both want then we’ll find a way, otherwise, it can be you, me and that pack of hounds out there. Please, gimme the chance to show ya how much ya mean to me.”

“Come on, Nathan, I’m a 29-year-old who can’t have kids. You can’t want a broken woman.”

“When have you ever cared about stereotypes? What happened to ‘just ‘cause I’m a woman, doesn’t mean I can’t take a punch’? Just ‘cause you’re a woman, doesn’t mean the only thing you can do to make me happy is give me a baby.”

Amber looked away again, a rogue tear sliding down her cheek. She curled up on herself even further, clearly deep in thought. Not wanting to pressure her, Sy changed the subject back to what he had missed while he was gone.

“How did you find out you had cancer?” he spoke softly.

Amber began to explain how she had gotten symptoms while on vacation and eventually, after seeing her old doctor and doing a variety of tests, had been diagnosed with endometrial cancer, a complication from her PCOS. She explained the surgery, the long-term effects, and the medications she was taking. Sy listened attentively, wanting desperately to just hold her in his arms and make all of her suffering go away.

Being back on her couch and, listening to her speak made Sy feel like he was home, something he couldn’t remember feeling since he’d left his parents’ house over a dozen years before. Eventually, Amber’s eyes began to close, and she slumped down deeper into the couch. Sy placed an arm under her back and the other under her legs, carefully lifting her in his arms. She was too tired to protest, opting to lean her head on his chest.

He set her down on the bed and covered her with the blankets. He tiptoed to the back door and let the dogs in for the night. He stood in the kitchen, unsure what to do next. Getting into bed with Amber without asking felt wrong, but he also didn’t want to disappear in her sleep again. He looked at the couch. It was long enough for him to lay fully stretched out and was definitely more comfortable than some of the bunks he’d slept in over the years. He made himself comfortable on the couch, Aika on the ground below him, and fell asleep to Amber’s smell which lingering on the fabric. 

***

Amber woke in the night feeling exhausted from the emotional conversation with Sy. She looked around the bedroom seeing no sign that he had been there. She sighed, and after mustering up the strength, she pushed herself up on the bed. Her stomach and pelvis were still tender from the surgery. She had mostly recovered in the month she’d been home from the hospital, but she still felt an ache.

She waddled to the kitchen in search of some water but stopped when she saw Sy curled up on the couch. Aika, Hades and Luna were in a pile on the ground in front of the couch and Echo was draped over Sy’s large thighs. She picked her head up as she noticed Amber.

“Traitor” Amber giggled.

Echo tilted her head to the side and gave her a confused look as if to say, “ _isn’t he family now_?”. 

Amber walked over to the living room and after pushing Luna over, she settled her head on Hades’ flank and wrapped her arm around Aika. Luna crawled behind Amber, setting her head on her human’s hip. 

***

Sy woke when something shifting against his leg. He looked down expecting to see Aika but instead was met with Echo’s reddish figure. As he continued to take in his surroundings, he noticed Amber below him, curled up with the pups. _If this doesn’t count as a family, then I don’t know what does._

He reached down, shaking her shoulder gently.

“Hey, sweetheart. Open your eyes for me.”

Amber groaned loudly, making Sy chuckle.

“You’re the one who decided to sleep on the floor after I tucked you in. This is on you.”

“I didn’t want you to be able to leave without saying goodbye this time” she muttered, shifting to look up at him.

“I won’t” he promised. “Never again.”

Sy sat up against the armrest like Amber had the night before. He spread his legs and reached a hand down to Amber.

“Come here.”

She took his offered hand and used it to sit up, wincing at the discomfort.

“How long until you’re fully recovered?”

“They said it would be normal to be sore for another two weeks, but the side-effects could take a few years.”

She sat down between his thighs with her back to his chest, leaning her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his large arms around her, being careful not to apply too much pressure.

“I’m sorry you went through all that alone. I wish you’d told me.”

“What could you have done? If I had told you I was sick, it would have been a big distraction and it’s not like I’m going to let you give up your career for me.”

"There are other jobs, Amber. You…” He buried his face in her hair. “ are the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

"I love you, too, Nathan.”

“Then let’s make this work.”

He started kissing her neck. 

“Uh, that’s unfair, you’re distracting me.”

“I spent six months thinking I’d completely lost you, I’m gonna do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Amber pulled away and turned to face Sy, kneeling in front of him. She looked at him with her piercing green eyes that could see through his soul. She placed a delicate hand on his face and brushed her thumb on his cheek. Her other hand went to the back of his neck and pulled him up to her lips.

The kiss was tender and loving, unlike any other they had shared before.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of infertility  
> Canon-typical Violence  
> Injury

One afternoon, Amber got a call from Sy while she was at the office. She answered, deciding that she could use a coffee break anyway.

“Hey, Sy.”

“Hi, darlin’, sorry to bother you at work.”

“You’re not keeping me from anything important I was just computing some stuff with Excel and it was being decidedly uncooperative.”

“Ugh, you couldn’t pay me enough to do your job.”

“Hey, my job lets me feed my dogs, that’s all I need.”

Sy let out a deep chuckle.

“I won’t bother you long, I was just wondering if you could get off early to have dinner at Devon’s.”

“Sure, but isn’t Sarah due any day now? Wouldn’t they rather be alone?”

“She’s still got another week or two, but it wouldn’t be just them. My parents are in town.”

“You want me to meet your parents?”

“If it’s okay with ya, yeah.”

“I can probably be there around 6:00.”

"That’s perfect, see you tonight.”

***

Amber was looking forward to having dinner with Sy’s family. She’d met Sarah the previous fall and they had become fast friends.

Sy greeted Amber at the door as soon as she arrived. He wanted to steal a kiss before his family started bombarding her with “get to know you” questions.

His mother, Barbara, was a career waitress and manager at a diner and his dad, Robert, was a mechanic who could fix anything with a motor. They’d had Sy straight out of high school and Devon two years after that, making them younger than Amber’s parents even if Sy was five years her senior. 

“What does your family do, dear?” Barbara asked. 

“My dad is an electrical engineer and my mom teaches English as a second language.”

“Are you an only child?”

“I have an older brother, but we don’t speak much.”

“Oh, why not?” Robert prompted. 

“He tortured me as a kid, gave me a bloody nose more than once. In our teens we tolerated each other at best. Now, we don’t argue anymore but we don’t have much to say to one another either so we don’t really keep in touch.”

“Do you both speak French as well as you speak English?” Sy’s father asked.

“We do. My dad taught us French and my mom taught us English. I learned to speak them at the same time, but I only learned to read or write English when I was eight years old. Since written French is so complex, they wanted us to focus on that first. Over the years I became stronger at English than French. My brain just processes it better.”

“That’s a smart way to teach two languages. Would you do the same for your kids?”

Amber nearly choked on her wine as she was swallowing. She shot Sy a pleading look.

“Ma, you’re getting a grand-child in less than two weeks do you really need to be pressuring my girl to do the same before you even get to know her?”

While Sy distracted his mother, Sarah asked Amber for her help in the kitchen.

“Do you want to talk about what just happened?" she asked setting her hand on Amber’s shoulder.

"I, uh, recently found out I can’t have kids. Even if I haven’t decided whether I want a family yet, the idea still stings a bit.”

“I understand” she said, rubbing Amber’s back. “I’ll help distract her if she brings it up again.”

“Thank you.” Amber gave her a small smile.

The rest of the meal went well. As it turned out, Devon was a great cook, having worked in multiple restaurants to get himself through law school. Amber also learned that Sy’s grandfather had left the family land to Sy so that he would "have a place to go home to” once he left the army. Sy had told his parents to go ahead and move into the house since ‘there was no point in leaving it empty for so long’.

Rob and Barb clearly cared a lot for the boys. They had all been close before Sy left for the army. Then Devon had moved when he graduated, splitting them up completely.

Amber and Sy left late in the evening and returned to Amber’s house. They were laying in bed, as close together as physically possible.

“I’m so sorry about what my Ma said.”

“It’s okay, Nathan. I’m just not sure I’m ready to tell them the truth yet.”

“You don’t have to tell them anything. It’s your business and I would never want you to tell them before you’re ready.”

Amber shifted so she was straddling Sy and put both hands on his cheeks.

“How are you so good and kind?" 

"I spend most of my time being an ass to my soldiers, I guess what little good there is in me comes out when I’m with you.”

“What do you mean the ‘little good there is in you’?” she frowned, putting her hand on his chest, over his heart. “Nathan, you’re so principled and you’ve been so caring, even last fall when we were just sleeping together. When you talk about your guys, I can tell you genuinely care about them and I’m pretty sure what you call ‘being an ass’ is just giving them tough love.”

Sy looked away.

“I’ve been in the army for over a decade. I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not exactly proud of…”

Amber cut him off.

“That doesn’t mean that there’s no good in you. I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t see it.”

He put his hand over hers, meeting her gaze.

“I love you, Amber.”

“I love you, too.”

***

After spending a month properly dating Amber, Sy, once again, found himself in a hole in the middle of the Iraqi desert with his detachment. Their mission involved a large terrorist cell operating out of a small village. According to their intel, the leader of the group, their target, was in that cell and was well guarded by highly equipped men. They’d been careful not make their presence too heavy in the area and were stationed far enough away as to not raise suspicion.

The village had only one main road in which meant, once they were in, there was no easy escape if things went wrong. Sy was responsible for making sure the plan was solid enough not to go wrong. He had carefully planned where every soldier in his detachment was to be placed during the raid and had carefully selected the squads to be assigned the tasks they did best.

The multistory building they were raiding was at the far side of the village which meant that, even being stealthy, there was a good chance the cell would see them coming. In an ideal world, they would capture the leader for information but seeing as how he would be difficult to get to, they would settle for taking him out. They had chosen two sniper teams to set up and protect them from above, but they would be of very little use once inside the building. With him, Sy would have his sergeant, Harris, and privates Perez, McNab and a more recent addition Anderson as Alpha team.

The night before the raid, Sy went over the plans with Harris one more time.

“You know, I don’t think you’ve ever triple checked plans like you’ve been doing for this op” Harris observed.

“It’s a hard op, even by our standards, Sergeant.”

“I think it’s more than that, Captain.”

Sy, who had been staring at the map of the village, lifted his head to look at Harris.

“It’s a different feeling, isn’t it? Knowing there’s someone waiting for you back home.”

“I’m not the first soldier to leave someone behind and I won’t be the last. My responsibility is to every one of our men going into that raid tomorrow night. Their safety takes priority above all else… Even mine” Sy shrugged. 

“How’s she doing?”

“Devon’s been checking on her since my leave ended. I’ve been calling her every few weeks. She seems to be doing okay.”

“So, I won’t have to stop you from beating up innocent punching bags anymore?”

“Not unless the cancer comes back.”

Harris was the only one Sy had spoken to about Amber. He’d vented to Harris the night he’d pulled Sy out of the gym and he’d talked about how they made up while he was on leave. Still, talking about something so personal was foreign to Sy and he, especially, didn’t like being told it was affecting his work ethic. Even if it was making him plan more thoroughly.

“Let’s get some shuteye, Sergeant. We’ve planned this thing to death, the rest depends on everyone following orders and hoping that intel was credible.”

Harris nodded in agreement.

“G’night, Cap.”

Syverson returned to his room with Aika. He’d found himself talking to her a lot since his return.

“Three more months, girl and we’ll be home with our family.”

After talking to Amber, she’d agreed to him requesting to be stationed in the States. She’d firmly refused he ask to be discharged but neither of them liked the idea of him staying in Iraq. Sy only had three more months before the transfer unless, of course, someone higher up decided against it.

***

Time had come to move out for the raid. Syverson made sure that every squad’s leader had checked their teams protective gear and repeated the orders one last time.

“We do this by the book, ladies, and we’ll be out of here in no time. Follow protocol and stick to the plan.”

They got in their vehicles and drove off to the village. The first vehicles in the line had the sniper teams, followed by ground support teams. They broke off into various streets, taking up their positions. Once all the teams had checked in, the snipers took out some of the guards that were on the rooftops to avoid the breaching teams being seen when approaching.

Once it was clear, the vehicles pulled up to the building and the soldiers got out of their vehicles, ready to breach on Sy’s command. The building had three floors, meaning each team would clear one floor.

The target they were after would most likely be on the top floor which was where Sy’s team was headed.

Sy gave the signal and the team breached the entrance. Shots were fired instantly by both sides, but the armed guards were surprised enough to give the soldiers an advantage. They moved efficiently, room to room and up the stairs. Every now and then, soldiers could be heard yelling “clear” as they checked sections.

Sy’s team had made it halfway up the stairs when they started getting shots from above. Perez took out the shooter and they continued to move. They made it to the upper floor and the Alpha team spread out slightly, clearing individual rooms. They took a dozen men down in the first section of the floor.

Suddenly, a small explosion knocked Sy into a wall. He looked to see where it had come from, realizing that Anderson had been isolated from the rest of the team when he moved into the biggest room alone to clear it. The team quickly made their way toward the source of the commotion and was ordered to a stop by Sy when he realized what they were dealing with.

Anderson had been knocked mostly unconscious by the blast that had gone off right next to him. His gun was on the ground and he was held with a large blade to his throat by the cell leader at the back of the room. There was an armed man on either side of him, pointing their rifles at the row of soldiers. The smell of smoke and gun powder lingered in the air.

The Alpha team outnumbered them in weapons but with Anderson in imminent danger, the soldiers remained frozen in place, waiting for Sy’s next order. The leader called out something that Sy couldn’t understand. Sy glanced around the room. The windows were covered in wood so the snipers would be of no help and the target was completely shielded by Anderson’s body. There was no way of taking out all three of the men at once, without risking that Anderson get his throat slit.

The leader continued to shout incomprehensibly.

“English, god dammit! I speak fuckin’ English” Sy shouted, furiously.

“You leave and he does not die” one of the armed men said.

“Cap, we can’t negotiate. We need to take them out” Harris whispered.

“I’m not letting him be the sacrificial lamb” Sy muttered back. “Take me instead” he shouted. “I’m the captain, the leader. Take me and they’ll leave.”

The man who spoke English translated to the leader who nodded in agreement.

“Cap, what are you doing?” Perez questioned.

“My job, Private.”

Sy raised his hands and slowly dropped his gun on the ground followed by his sidearm and his protective gear, leaving his chest exposed. He slowly walked across the room to the line of men. One of them was trailing him with the rifle as he approached while the other was still locked onto the three other members of the team. Sy turned around and stood still with the gun to his head while Anderson was released by the leader. Anderson stumbled forward, still affected by the earlier blast and crossed the room behind the line of soldiers.

Sy felt the blade come to the side of his throat along his jaw and his body was yanked violently backwards. He stared at Harris imploring him to understand what he was asking of him. Sy kept his hands in the air pushing his chest forward. The leader was approximately his height but much slimmer making Sy the perfect human shield.

“Move away, now!” the armed man yelled.

“On my order” Harris called still staring Sy in the eyes.

“It’s my job, boys” Sy repeated.

“Three, two…”

Sy felt the rush of pain sweep through his body. He sensed a warmth trace along his neck, shoulder, and chest. He felt himself get lightheaded as his legs gave out below him. The last thing he remembered seeing before everything went dark, was the image of Amber in his shirt, standing in front of the stove. The same shirt he was currently soaking with his blood.

***

“What the fuck happened back there?” the major asked.

“Captain Syverson made a decision, sir. He assessed the situation and determined that there was no way of taking down the target without a casualty, so he made sure his private was protected.”

Harris was tasked with explaining the incident to Syverson’s superior who was less than thrilled his captain was being taken away in a medevac.

“Why was it that one of your men was taken hostage in the first place, Sergeant?”

“The target caused a minor explosion between Private Anderson and the rest of the team, breaking him off and disarming him. They, then, pulled him deeper into the room to use as a shield for the target.”

“Why didn’t you simply light ‘em up before they had a chance to make demands?”

“Private Anderson was wearing full tactical gear with only his neck exposed to the 10-inch blade they had against his throat. Even if we had taken down the two armed guards, we couldn’t have taken out the target before he slit Anderson’s throat.”

“So, Captain Syverson decided that instead he would put down all his tactical gear and his weapons to take the place of his private as a human shield.”

“Yes, sir.”

“What did you do next, Sergeant?”

“Once Private Anderson was safely behind us, I gave the signal for Privates Perez and McNab to follow through with Syverson’s plan.”

“I thought you said he was busy negotiating with terrorists?”

“Captain Syverson always said his job was to make sure his men made it home, even if he didn’t. On my signal the three of us fired at our targets. I shot Captain Syverson below the clavicle to take down the target and the privates each shot a guard. After all, a clean shot he could easily survive but a slit throat, not so much. Unfortunately, the blade grazed his jaw as they fell.”

“That was a foolish plan, Sergeant. The last thing I need is a captain deceased from friendly fire.”

“With all due respect, sir, Captain Syverson’s plan at least had a chance of leaving the five of us alive rather than guaranteeing the death of a soldier under his command.”

“And, yet, here we are.”

***

Devon was back at Amber’s door. _I wish for once I could be here for good news._ He rang the bell and the door opened within seconds.

“Hey, Devon! It’s good to see you. I was about to go for a walk with the dogs.”

“I, uh, wanted to talk to you. Can I come in?”

“Dev? What’s going on?”

Devon a deep breath.

“It’s Nate.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gun shot wound  
> Oral (female receiving)  
> Unprotected sex

Amber was blindly following Devon, too consumed by sadness to notice where she was going. He led her into the building and up to the second floor. She stopped when they reached the last room at the end of the hallway, no longer able to keep her composure. She broke down in tears, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth. Devon turned upon hearing her quiet sobs.

“Hey, it’s okay, just breathe.”

He reached her quickly and pulled her into a comforting hug.

“I’m sure he’s fine if they were able to fly him back to the States.”

Amber nodded, gathering her courage.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Devon walked into the room first. Amber took one last steeling breath, wipped her cheeks and followed him in. She froze as she looked at the large, figure sitting up in the bed. She didn’t actually recognize him until his tired eyes lit up as his gaze found hers.

“I haven’t seen your chin since we were in our twenties” Devon commented humorously. Both men chuckled.

There was a bandage covering the left side of Sy’s throat and jaw and another that was peeking through the collar of his gown which covered the bullet wound in his left shoulder.

“Hey, there Cap” she gave him a soft smile.

Amber walked up to the head of the bed and gently brushed her knuckles on Sy’s now shaved face. Sy leaned into the soft touch, wrapping his large hand around Amber’s and leaned down to place a kiss on her wrist. 

“How are you feeling, Nate?”

“Remember when you smacked me over the head with a frying pan when we were kids?”

“No, I was three.”

“Well, I’d still take the frying pan right now.”

Devon chuckled. “Now that you’ve reassured me of how awful you feel, I’ll go see if I can get your doctor and maybe get a proper medical report.” He walked out leaving Amber and Syverson alone. Amber pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed.

“Dev said something about you having leave now?”

“Yeah, they think it’ll take at least three months to heal and I can’t exactly do my job like this.” His voice sounded exhausted.

“How long before you can go home?" 

“They already waited two weeks before flying me back, so I think today or tomorrow.”

“Where’s Aika right now?”

“Last I heard, Harris has her on base.”

She nodded; her watery eyes fixed on his jaw.

“The lack of beard brings out your eyes” Amber observed.

“Don’t get used to it, with the scar I’m gonna have, I’ll be better off growing it back.”

Amber leaned down and buried her face in Sy’s lap.

“I don’t care either way. I’m just happy Harris knows how to aim.”

Sy wrapped his good arm around Amber and squeezed her with all the strength he could muster.

Devon returned with Sy’s doctor who went over all the things that Sy needed to do during his healing process. The shot had been clean, causing a minimal amount of bone damage and tearing. As for the cut on his jaw, he was lucky that it did not hit the artery. The four-inch slash originally had about 20 stitches, but they had already been removed. Sy was going to have his arm in a sling for most of his recovery which he wasn’t thrilled about but he could leave immediately.

Amber helped Sy get dressed in the clothes they had brought along. He was still very weak from the blood loss and painkillers and had to be very careful moving his arm. They threw a coat loosely around his shoulders and upon his insistence not to use a wheelchair, carefully walked him out of the hospital.

Devon helped Sy into Amber’s small car then went to his own to follow her to Sy’s apartment. Amber had asked to be alone with Sy on the ride home so they could talk.

"I’ve been thinking” Amber began but trailed off too afraid to continue. 

Sy turned to look at her, wincing as the movement shot pain across his chest.

“About what?”

“Would you… I mean, I know how useless I felt when I broke my arm and had a cast for three weeks. I figured maybe you’d like to stay with me until your leave ends and you have to go back.”

The car was silent save for the rock song playing at a low volume in the background as Sy thought about how to answer.

“What if I said I wanted to stay even after my arm heals?”

Amber exhaled and her lips turned up into a smile.

“I don’t know. I’d have to check with the kids to see if they’re okay with having a man around the house full-time.”

They pulled up to Sy’s building. Devon helped to pack some bags with Sy’s clothes and other small things he wanted to bring to Amber’s house. They would return for the rest some other time. They said goodbye to Devon and headed home. As they walked through the door, the three dogs rushed to Syverson’s side, tails wagging and whining excitedly.

“I think I have their approval” Sy stated with a grin.

“How ‘bout you go clean up and I’ll make you something to eat.”

“What I don’t get a sponge bath?” Sy smirked.

“Save that for later. You just need to get the hospital smell off and I’m sure you’re feeling peckish.”

Amber moved towards the kitchen but stopped when Sy took hold of her arm. She turned to face him, a hint of confusion across her face. He closed the gap between them, brushing a strand of her from her face and gave her a deep, needy kiss. Sy pulled back when he felt wetness on his cheek. Amber’s eyes were red, and a few stray tears had slid down her face.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m okay. I’m home and we’re together.”

She pressed her face into his chest being mindful of his gunshot wound.

“I love you, Nathan.”

“I love you, too, darlin’.”

She finally released him with sad smile and made her way to the kitchen.

***

That evening, Syverson walked into the bedroom where Amber was singing and dancing around with Echo. She was wearing nothing but a shirt and underwear and had her headphones in like the time he’d found her in his kitchen. Sy recognized the song lyrics.

“Kelly Clarkson? That’s new.”

Amber startled and turned around.

“You can’t judge, obviously, you know it too if you recognized it from my terrible singing, but I’m actually listening to a metal cover version.”

“That’s a thing?”

“Yes, it is, and it’s really good” she put down her phone and shooed Echo out of the room before closing the door.

Sy took his arm out of the sling to pull his shirt over his head. He walked to the mirror in the bathroom where he pulled the bandages off neck and shoulders. He’d avoided doing it when he’d cleaned off earlier, but he wanted to see what the wounds looked like. The superficial wounds had mostly healed during his time in the hospital, so he worried less about accidentally pulling them open.

He brushed his teeth then walked back into the room. His heart sank when he saw Amber was fixated on his chest. She walked tentatively towards him and reached out with a shaky hand to touch his chest. She searched his eyes for any sign of discomfort on his part. She brushed her fingers across his collarbone and down his bicep, carefully avoiding the angry red mark on his skin. Her left hand came up to rest on the back of his neck as she pressed her lips below the wound. She continued to kiss the area surrounding his injury and up Sy’s neck, repeating the same process with the thin line under his jaw.

Sy’s head tilted back, his eyes sealed shut and a groan escaped his mouth. He lifted his hand to tangle it in Amber’s brown locks. Amber took it as a sign to continue. She pressed her body to his, rubbing against the bulge that was growing in his pants. She felt his left hand slide under her shirt and take hold of her ass.

She craved him, desired nothing more than for him to take her and throw her on the bed. They hadn’t had sex since the first two months they spent together over a year before. She couldn’t have sex right after the cancer surgery and Sy hadn’t wanted to risk hurting her. As talented as he was with his mouth, it wasn’t the same as having him inside her while he worshipped her body.

Sy tugged on Amber’s hair and pulled away from her lips.

“Are you sure you feel up to this?”

“I should be the one asking you. You’re the one that was shot.”

He rolled his hips.

“Ye, in the shoulder” he said with a chuckle. “Do you want this, Amber?”

She gave him a coy smile and resumed kissing his neck, up to his ear.

“Yes, I want you, Nathan” she whispered.

She pulled down the remainder of his clothing and guided him down onto the mattress. Her hands found the hem of her shirt and she slowly pulled it up her body revealing her midnight blue lace panties and matching bra in turn. Sy groaned at the sight. The scars from her surgery had faded and left nothing but small blemishes on her skin. She climbed astride him, grinding her clothed core on his shaft as she unhooked her bra.

“Stop teasing, take those panties off and get up here.” His order was followed by a sharp spank.

Amber yelped and stood up once more to remove her underwear. Again, she did so at a slow, teasing pace. Once the first part of the command was complete, she straddled Sy’s head.

He set his good hand on her hip and guided her down to his mouth. As he locked eyes with Amber, Sy licked along her folds stopping short of her clit. He proceeded to kiss and lick her mound teasingly, intentionally avoiding that spot that so desperately craved his attention. Amber’s moans and gasps grew louder, and her head fell back as his tongue explored her core.

“Ahh, Sy… Who’s teasing now?”

“Tell me what you need, baby.”

“I need to cum.”

He answered her request by pressing open mouthed kisses on her clit, followed by firm suction. Amber was so worked up that Sy had her promptly teetering on the edge. One more long draw on her clit was all it took to send waves of pleasure crashing through her body. Her legs shook and she grabbed hold of the headboard to keep herself upright.

“Lay down on your side with your back to me” Sy instructed when she finally came out of her fog. 

Amber did as he asked, stretching out on Sy’s right side. He turned, pressing his chest to her back a leaned his injured arm on her hip. He snaked his right arm below her simultaneously holding her tight against him and grabbing her breasts, playing with her nipples as he began to kiss her neck.

Amber pulled her knee to her chest, giving Sy room to move, then reached behind her, guiding his head to her soaked folds. He pushed into her with a rough movement and they both gasped, the sensation seeming almost foreign after so long. 

“Are you okay? Am I hurtin’ ya?” Sy asked, his voice sounding concerned, yet heavily aroused. 

“I’m alright, Nathan” she moaned. “Keep going, please.”

Sy was sucking deep purple marks into Amber’s skin and pinching her nipples, making her gasp. His pace was slow, and his movements controlled.

Amber had to commend him for his composure because as soon as he breached her core, all she craved was for him to give her more. She reached behind her, grasping the back of his head. She trailed her nails on his scalp searching for something to hold on to.

She pushed her hips back and the new angle had him brushing just the right spot with everything languid thrust. Her core tightened around him as she felt her orgasm pooling deep within her once more.

“Right there” she whimpered.

“You feel so good, darlin’. I can’t hold it much longer. I’ve been waiting too long to properly make love to ya.”

His movements grew quicker, as Amber continued to meet his thrusts. She could feel shivers making their way across Sy’s skin, signaling he was close. 

“Cum with me, Nathan” she said with a cry.

With a few final thrusts, he sent her over the edge and spent himself inside her. Her core spasmed around his sensitive member as he continued to move through their release.

Sy pulled away with a groan feeling pain shoot through his battered shoulder. Amber moved quickly to the bathroom to clean herself off and returned with a wet cloth for Sy, a glass of water and his pain medication.

“I think cowgirl might have to become our new favourite position until you’ve healed a bit more.”

Sy took his painkillers and proceeded to wipe off the mixed juices that coated his now softened member.

“As much as I hate the idea of giving you full control over me for that long, you’re probably right.”

“What’s wrong with me taking the reins?”

“You get to have revenge for all the times I’ve teased you in the past.”

“Well ain’t that a bitch” she grinned devilishly, already imaging all the things she wanted to do to him.

Amber shut off the lights and climbed into bed cuddling up to Sy’s right side.

“Are ya sore? Did I get too rough?” he asked with a yawn. 

“No, Nathan. That was perfect.” She tilted her head and kissed his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, too." 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference to violence and assault  
> PTSD

“Nathan?” Amber called, walking out of the bedroom.

“Yeah, babe?” he answered from the couch, not looking up from his book. 

“Why is there a gun in the nightstand?”

“Well, since ya don’t keep condoms in there anymore, I figured there would be some empty space” he replied, once again, not bothering to look up from his book.

“I’m not questioning the location, Nathan. Why the fuck did you bring a gun into my house?”

The sudden change of tone finally grabbed his attention. He looked up.

“I wasn’t gonna leave it at the apartment that would make it kinda useless if I needed it.”

His tone was condescending as if she was making him explain something as obvious as the fact that the sky is blue.

“Why would you think you’d need a gun?” she asked in disbelief. 

“I think the hole in my shoulder is a pretty damn good reason” he scoffed. 

“You’re not in an active war zone here, Nathan. What if some dumb kid breaks into the house looking to steal shit and finds, what I am assuming is, a loaded gun in the nightstand? What if someone gets hurt because of it?” she questioned, growing angrier at how he seemed to be taking the entire discussion as a joke.

Sy put his book down on the coffee table and rose, looking incredibly intimidating, despite the sling, due to his large stature. 

“What if some dumb kid breaks in to steal shit while you’re here and tries to hurt ya?”

“I give him what he wants because there’s nothing here that’s irreplaceable.” She gestured around the room which was, indeed, mostly filled with material possessions of low sentimental value. 

“What if he wants you?” Sy all but growled, visibly more upset now. 

“Assuming he’s not armed and about to kill me? I fight like hell.” Amber crossed her arms defensively.

“What if he’s holdin’ a knife to your throat?” Sy challenged.

She threw her arms up in exasperation.

“Well then what am I supposed to do? Politely ask for permission to strut over to the nightstand to get your gun under the pretense that I’m getting a condom?”

“So what? You’d bend over and let ‘im fuck ya?”

Sy cringed at the thought.

“Excuse me, if I don’t know how I’d react if some hypothetical malicious teenager tried to break in with a deadly weapon for the sole purpose of fucking me” she mocked. “The gun goes Nathan. Whether or not you go with it is up to you.”

She knocked his shoulder as she stomped past him.

“Where do you think you’re goin’?”

“I was headed out for a run and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.”

She grabbed her keys from her purse but left her phone on the kitchen island.

“Woman, it’s almost midnight. You are not going out for a run and we are not done talkin’ about this.”

“I don’t care what time it is and for my part, this conversation is definitely over.”

Amber slammed the door on her way out. Sy was seething. How could Amber not see that the gun was to protect her? 

He’d stopped carrying it on him after he’d gotten the apartment in Pennsylvania, but he almost always had it on him when he was in his hometown. He felt naked without a weapon. After all, he always had a sidearm when deployed along with his regular firearm. He knew how to handle guns safely.

Still, a part of him knew he’d been wrong not telling Amber that he’d brought it back from his apartment. Would she really ask him to leave if he didn’t get rid of it? Either way, he couldn’t do so without Amber or Devon because his truck was still parked at the apartment. They’d agreed that driving the large vehicle with only one arm was too hazardous, so they’d simply left it there for the time being.

Amber walked back into the house past 1:30 in the morning. She’d extended her usual route in an attempt to clear her head, but the anger hadn’t fully subsided. She’d been completely taken aback when she’d opened the drawer looking for her headphones, instead finding a large black handgun. She knew for a fact that, in the three weeks since Sy got back, he hadn’t returned to the apartment without her which meant he’d managed to sneak it out of wherever he stored it there and slipped it into one of his bags without her noticing.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

Amber noticed Sy’s voice no longer sounded enraged. He was frustrated, without a doubt, but there was hint of something else in his tone as well. 

“I was running” she panted as she unlaced her shoes. 

Sy was sitting at the island with his head bent down, leaning on his hand.

“Your normal run takes ya 50 minutes plus another five to ten depending on whether ya turn left or right on your walk afterwards. You’ve been gone for over an hour and a half.”

Amber froze, surprised that Sy had memorized her running routine. _Worry_. That’s what she’d picked up on in his voice.

“I ran an extra lap.”

“Well, next time you storm out on me, at least bring your phone. I’ve spent the last half hour tryin’ to remember what color leggings you were wearin’ and what brand your running shoes are.” He lifted his head revealing his worried frown. “Their black, that’s all I know, ‘cause that’s your favorite color.”

“I’m sorry if I worried you. That was not my intention” Amber sighed. “I’m going to go shower now. You should go to bed." 

"I told you I wasn’t done talking about this, Amber.”

“I’m sure as hell not getting further into it now, so go to bed. Good night.”

She walked to the bedroom and paused in the doorway. 

“Asics. The brand of my running shoes is Asics.”

***

Sy was back in his tactical gear following formation and clearing yet another building on a night raid. The weight of the gear was making his shoulder throb, but he pushed through and followed his men. Between the adrenaline of the raid, the warm desert air, and the layers of uniform, Syverson was soaked with sweat.

The building smelled of tobacco, smoke and gunpowder. They made it across the first floor, shooting anyone armed, no questions asked. His body was working off muscle memory after such a long time off. He walked into a room and raised his weapon when he saw movement in the corner of his eye. He turned to see two scared civilians who were cowering in a corner. He moved to usher them out when the scarf one woman was wearing fell from her face. _Amber?_ Her piercing green eyes met his, desperate, pleading, terrified.

He heard foreign screaming coming from the hall. He looked behind him to find the barrel of a rifle pointed at his face. On instinct, he moved to shield the civilians raising his gun. He saw a muzzle flash and a loud bang pierced his ears.

Sy jerked up, feeling like there was an elephant on his chest. When had breathing become so hard? He struggled to get air into his lungs and his head felt numb. What had he dreamt about? Sweat dripped from his forehead down onto the sheets. He slipped out of the bed and stumbled to the en-suite.

He swung the door mostly closed without turning on the light then leaned back on the wall. He attempted to control his breathing by counting out his inhales and exhales. His legs started to give out underneath him as he slid down the wall. The cold tile floor was a relief against the burning skin of his thighs. 

Sy’s head still felt in a fog like his brain was numb. His heart was beating out of his chest although not as quickly as when he’d first woken up, every beat felt abnormally strong against his rib cage.

Sy pulled his knees up to his chest, elbows leaning on them and both hands on his head, quietly sobbing.

He’d never slept all that well, often times waking up too early or staying awake for hours at a time in the night, but these attacks were new to him. Most nights he didn’t remember what caused them but occasionally he’d remember bits and pieces of his dreams, enough that he was painfully aware they were about being shot. 

Sy had never had anything to risk losing by being gone and he’d never had anyone to risk hurting by never coming back. Just like that, meeting Amber had changed his whole perception.

Once his breathing had evened out, Sy stood slowly not quite trusting his legs yet. He leaned heavily on the counter and splashed some cool water on his face.

The bed dipped as he crawled back into his sweat soaked sheets. Amber mumbled something incomprehensible and turn to nuzzle into his chest. Their evening fight was clearly forgotten in her sleeping state. 

***

Amber had left for work while Sy was still asleep. She was as discreet as possible, to avoid waking him. He’d looked more tired than usual lately, often falling asleep after her and waking before her.

To her surprise, he was gone when she returned in the evening. Even more surprising was the fact that Aika was also gone. They had gotten her back a week before. She went to the bedroom to change out of her work clothes and peeked into the drawer. The gun was gone.

Her heart sank as she realized what she’d done. Once again, rather than explain herself, she had pushed the man she loved away.

She made an adequate meal, not hungry enough for anything elaborate and ate on the couch wrapped in her dogs. She hadn’t realized how sleepy she was until she woke to Sy laying a blanket over her body.

“What time is it?” she mumbled, feeling completely disoriented.

“A little past midnight.” He knelt in front of her, stroking her hair away from her face. She forced her eyes open to look at him.

“I thought you were gone.”

“No, I called Dev to take me to the apartment and I ate at his place.”

Amber sat up and launched herself at Sy nearly knocking him on his back. She hugged him as tight as his injury would allow her.

“I didn’t want you to go. I said that because I was mad that you kept it from me, but you were just doing what you thought was necessary to keep us safe.” Sy hugged her back with his one arm and nuzzled into her neck.

“I brought it back to my place for now. I thought maybe I could get a safe or somethin’ and at least lock it up. That way, it’s still here but ya don’t have to worry about anyone gettin’ hurt by accident. I also thought maybe I could take you shooting so that you’re more comfortable using it.”

Amber pulled back and considered his offer. After all, it was a reasonable compromise. She nodded.

“There’s somethin’ else I need to tell you” Sy began. “I um… I talked about it with Dev and he made me realize I’ve been hidin’ more than just the gun from ya.”

Amber looked at him in confusion.

“What else haven’t you told me?”

“I’ve been havin’ these uh… nightmares and I’ve been wakin’ up with panic attacks ever since I got shot. It’s been keepin’ me up more than usual. I thought I could handle it on my own, but I’d really like it if I didn’t have to.”

She hugged him again.

“Of course. I’ll help with anything you need.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Night terror  
> PTSD  
> mentions of depression  
> Implied smut  
> References to bondage kinks

Amber was in bed, comfortably cocooned in her abnormal number of blankets. She was one of those people who unconsciously pulled all the blankets away from her bedfellows which was okay with Sy since he ran hot at night anyway. She would have continued to sleep peacefully had it not been for the soft thumps against her calf. She stirred and sat up quickly when she realized that Sy’s lower body was thrashing progressively faster on his side of the bed.

She flicked the bedside lamp on to reveal his sweat covered body. She could see his eyes moving quickly from side to side below his lids. He wasn’t having one of his regular nightmares.

Ever since Sy’s confession, she was more sensitive to movements in the bed. When Sy woke in a panicked state, she soon followed, helping him even out his breathing and clear his mind of the thoughts that were haunting him. This, however, was the first time she could see him visibly agitated while still being asleep.

His upper body began to jerk, and he mumbled something loud and incomprehensible. Amber paused for a second, considering what to do. She crawled over him whispering reassuring words and gently reached out to caress his scruffy cheek. His beard hadn’t grown back completely but it was enough to hide the long line that ran along his jaw.

Out of nowhere, Sy screamed, grasped her wrist with strength, and flipped her over onto her back, accidentally ramming his knee into her ribs as he mounted her. She wasn’t prepared for the hit and was instantly winded, unlike when she normally fought.

Eyes still closed, he leaned all his weight on her stomach as he pinned her arms, standing completely motionless except for his eyes, which were still moving frantically.

She tested his stance carefully, checking to see if she could guide him off her without causing him to retaliate once again. His body lifted from hers slightly but his grip on her wrists didn’t falter.

She carefully shrimped her body out from between his legs like she’d learned to do many years before while still speaking as if he were a spooked animal. She was able to free both her legs and slowly wrapped them both around his waist gently. She hoped the sensation of her bar legs against his chest would feel familiar and serve as an anchor to help pull him away from whatever darkness was in his head, but she also knew that, from that stance, she could crush his ribs until his breathing faltered and push his body away from her face and throat should the need arise.

She rubbed her legs up and down his sides and back sometimes going so far as to follow the curve of his ass to his massive thighs.

“Nathan, love, I need you to come back to me. I need you to put your head on my chest and free my hands.”

She doubted that her request would be granted but she hoped maybe some part of his subconscious would register the words. She remained there, coddling and comforting for nearly twenty minutes before his grip loosened on her wrists.

“That’s it, Nathan. You’re doing so well for me, love.”

She carefully pulled her left hand from his grasp and rubbed her palm up his arm to his neck. He didn’t jerk or show any sign of discomfort, so she did the same with her other hand.

She guided his head and shoulders down to her chest and, to her surprise, he accepted the motion, allowing himself to lay on top of her.

She stroked his body and placed warm kisses everywhere she could reach.

“Tout va bien, mon amour. Je suis là, je te tiens.*”

***

When Sy woke, he was laying next to Amber with her legs wrapped around his waist. He didn’t know when that had happened, but he appreciated the close contact and the feeling of being intertwined with her body. He would have chosen to stay put had it not been for the whimpers coming from outside the door.

He let the dogs out for their morning business then proceeded to make coffee, wearing only loose fitting shorts and his sling, blissfully unaware of the night terror that struck him just hours before.

Amber shuffled into the kitchen covered only by the oversized long-sleeved shirt and panties she’d worn to bed.

“Mornin’, darling’. Coffee?”

He lifted the pot as he asked.

“Yes, please” she answered rubbing her eyes. “Dump the sugar in there too, please.”

“Woah, caffeine and sugar rush on a Saturday? How badly did you sleep?”

The shrugged trying to avoid bringing up his episode before being properly awake to discuss it. He handed her the mug but froze when she reached out to take it, the motion having caused her sleeve to pull back and reveal a deep purple band of bruises.

“What the fuck?” he gasped, opting to set the mug down on the counter before he dropped it. “When did that happen?”

“Not now, Nathan.”

He took hold of her hand as gently as he could, pushing the sleeve up. “Yes, now. What happened? Did I… What did I do?” He was stammering, confused by his lack of memory of any event that could have caused such bruising. His eyes were wide, pleading with her to give him an answer.

She sighed and gave in. “I think you had a night terror” she explained. “I woke up because you were kicking then your whole body started thrashing. I tried to brush your cheek to sooth you, but you yelled, you rolled me over and you pinned me down by my wrists.”

“Fuck… Did I do anything else?”

Amber avoided his gave, staring at a swirl in the floor tile.

“Eyes on me, Amber. Did I hurt you?” His voice was firm, the tone switching to the one he used on his privates.

She returned her gaze to his knowing that no matter what her answer was he would beat himself up over it. She lifted her shirt tentatively trying to see if there was any visible bruising to go along with the tenderness she had felt when she woke. “You may have bruised my ribs when you flipped over but then you just stayed there. Once I got you to pull your weight off me, I just kinda waited you out.”

“But I could have hurt you… Hell, I could have killed you.” He released her hand to rub his face in frustration, leaning back against the island. His worst fear had become true. Not only had Amber been hurt, but he had been the one to do it. 

“Don’t do that” she ordered. It was her turn to be forceful. “Neither one of us new that this could happen so neither of us was prepared for it.” She moved to stand between his legs, making sure not to break eye-contact. “But, Nathan, I had no idea what to do last night. I can deal with panic attacks when you’re at least partially lucid, but I don’t know what’s the right thing to do with a night terror. You moved so fast and your grip was impossible to escape even with your shoulder still being sore.”

“Maybe I should just go back to the apartment and keep you out of harm’s way.” His voice was filled with defeat, traces of tears filling his red eyes.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, but if you’ll let me, I could call my friend, Cindy. She’s a clinical psychologist she might be able to help.”

“You wanna ask her how to handle my night terrors?”

“No, I can’t give her details about your problems that would be unethical because she and I are friends. She could, however, probably make some calls and help recommend a therapist that has experience with veterans or PTSD. If you are willing to try seeing one, of course.”

They were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Sy looked Amber up and down and realized he was the one most adequately dressed to answer. “Go put on some shorts, I’ll see who it is.” Amber nodded and moved down the hall.

Syverson opened the door and was met with a group of four unknown men, an unexpected sight in any circumstance, but especially strange for a Saturday morning. Sy found that they all looked somewhat familiar especially the tallest man at the front of the group who answered for the others but he wasn’t in the mood do partake in useless pleasantries.

“Can I help you?” he all but barked.

“Uh, yeah. We were looking for Amber. You must be Sy. I’m Steve we spoke on the phone about a year ago.” The man extended his hand for Sy to shake. “This is Will, James and Chris some of our friends.“

Sy relaxed his stance, trying to not give Amber’s closest friends a terrible first impression despite his mood. "Right, it’s nice to meet ya. She didn’t mention you were in town.” Sy moved aside as he spoke, silently inviting the men in.

“Holy shit!”

Sy turned just in time to see Amber pounce on Steve who braced himself just in time to catch her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her sore ribs long forgotten, and revelled in his embrace for a few seconds before he put her down. Steve glanced over Amber’s bruised wrists and smirked.

“Jesus Ambs, I know you’ve had a bondage kink since you were like 16, but you don’t need the cuffs to be that tight.”

Amber playfully slapped him on the arm and hugged each of the others albeit much less aggressively. They took turns shaking Sy’s hand and saying a few words as a greeting. They had varying degrees of French accents but seemed mostly fluent.

A phone rang and the man named James quickly dug it out of his pocket.

“Can I take this somewhere private? It’s my wife.”

Sy pointed him towards the room Amber used as an office then turned back to the others.

“What the hell are you guys doing here?” Amber asked enthusiastically.

“We’re going camping about two hours away, just us guys and we thought we’d say hi on the way through” Will explained. 

“Wait, you’re not staying?” Amber asked, disappointment clear in her voice. 

“No, we can’t. We have to be there by eleven but maybe we could hit up a bar on our way back? We’re staying the whole week.”

The turned towards the hall as they heard a voice call out to them. “Hey Ambs, you keep Chris’ pictures of you in your office?” James asked amused as her returned from his call.

Chris’ face lit up. “Shit, seriously? Do you mind if I go see?”

“Go ahead”

They all moved to the office where James pointed to two of the walls. The one above her desk was filled with pictures of Amber and what Sy now recognized as the group standing in front of him. They were visibly younger and all of them were in pictures except for Chris who apparently was the photographer of the bunch.

The opposite wall, the one they focused their attention on had three large canvas prints. Sy had always found them weird but he had never asked why Amber had chosen them. The canvases were black and white photographs of an obviously nude women in different poses. The lighting was set in such a way that the body was mostly shaded except for a few spots of light which showcased her feminine form. They were very tastefully done considering the subject matter.

“I can’t believe you made actual prints of them” Chris said in disbelief.

“I mean these are probably the best pictures of Ambs anyone has ever taken, even if her face isn’t in any of them” James said, somewhat staring at the prints.

Amber turned a shade of crimson Sy had never seen before as she locked eyes with him, giving him a sheepish look.

Sy looked back at the three photographs from the doorway and frowned. “That’s Amber?” He whispered to Steve as the others began chatting in French, pointing to various photographs above the computer.

“Yeah, I guess she never told you. I wouldn’t expect you to recognize her” Steve reassured as he followed Sy back to the kitchen. “She was maybe 21-22 when they took them. She was going through a bad period of depression at the time and she worked out like seven days a week trying to cope until they found the right balance of medication. She would do kickboxing twice a week, we would go rock climbing two other days and the rest she would jog. She was strong and fit, but she looked skeletal. She had basically no fat left. She looked much healthier when she was at my place last year, despite the whole cancer thing.”

Sy nodded, glad that Amber was healthy and happy now. She still worked out but only for pleasure never because she felt like she needed to.

“How long have y’all known each other?”

“We met the others when we were 19 at a comic book convention. You see, us guys are major Star Wars fans and we do charity work with the armors we build. Amber got dragged along to help me suit up. She became a little sister to all of them.”

Sy nodded, he had noticed the other were all around his age, Will even looking closer to his 40s meaning Amber was probably about a decade younger.

“Amber and I met on a class field trip to Philly when we were 16. She and our friend, Cindy, kept dropping shit under my seat on the bus. We didn’t really interact until Amber dropped her birth control pills under the seat and the idiot next to me made a crack about her being ‘sexually active’. I told him off and the three of us have been friends ever since.”

The others returned to the living room. 

“We need to get going” Will announced.

Amber hugged them all goodbye and they agreed to meet up the following week for a proper meal. Once they left, Amber sighed and finally slumped down on the couch with her coffee.

“So… Bondage huh?” Sy smirked but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Why have I never had you in handcuffs?”

“You never asked” she answered with an equally coy yet sad smile.

“I want you to call her… Cindy. I’ll try anythin’ if it means I never hurt ya again” he requested, joining Amber on the couch.

She gave him a grateful smile. “I’ll call her tomorrow… You know this doesn’t mean I won’t still stay awake with you when you need it or listen when you have nightmares. I’d just rather you treated the cause not the symptoms.”

“I know” Sy was comforted by her statement even though there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that she would continue to be her understanding and patient self.

“Why are all your friends guys?” Sy questioned after a long moment, voice conveying mock jealousy, trying to bring back the good mood the group of men had left her in.

“Because their wives are boring. Don’t get me wrong, they are nice girls, but they never have anything interesting to say.”

“Did you and Chris ever date? Is that why he took those pictures of ya?”

Amber sipped her coffee trying to hide a blush. “No, we maybe flirted a little, but nothing more. I offered to be his model so that he could learn to do those kinds of photoshoots without looking like a creep who takes advantage of young girls. He got a major contract off them a few years ago. The client loved the style and asked him to recreate it for some big time magazine. He replaced my pictures in his portfolio for the professional ones so I’m really the only one who sees them now.”

“I gotta say, I’m kinda glad the aren’t for show after seein’ how they were oglin’ ‘em. Your body looks damn good in those pictures and I can’t fight off other guys as easily with only one arm.”

She set down her empty mug and pushed herself up to straddle Sy’s lap.

“Well, you won’t have to. Besides, you’re the only one I want and the only one who gets to see me like this.”

She pulled her shirt over her head at a slow teasing pace, revealing the soft skin of her stomach and breasts inch by inch. She could feel Sy stiffen below her, the thin fabric of their shorts doing nothing to hide his impressive length.

“Good, ‘cause I ain’t sharin’.”  
  
  
*French translation: Everything is okay, my love. I’m here, I’ve got you.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alcohol  
> Mentions of past-injury

Around noon on Saturday, the four men returned for a lunchtime barbecue as they had promised they would the week before. Amber was thankful they had provided her with enough of a warning to stock up on burger fixings and beer. As nice as it was to be surprised, she would not have been able to feed five hungry men if they’d all stayed for lunch the week before.

Sy was in charge of the grill while Amber was in full hostess mode, making everyone drinks and setting up the table with everything they might possibly want to eat with their burgers. The guys were being very considerate, doing their best to keep the conversation in English so that Sy could follow along. Amber finished fixing Chris a vodka drink and sat down between Steve and James with her own glass of whiskey.

“Why do I only get beer and he gets vodka?” Steve complained. 

“Because we all know how things end when you’re around vodka. You don’t even have to drink it for something bad to happen.”

“Why do I get a feelin’ there’s a stupid alcohol-fuelled story behind that statement?” Sy grinned, sitting across from Steve.

“Stupid, yes. Alcohol-fueled, sorta. There’s actually two parts to this story. The first happened at a house party when we were 18. Steve, here, thought that scarfing down lasagna then chugging half a bottle of vodka was a good idea. You can probably imagine how that evening ended. For his 21st birthday, his mom had us over for dinner and made lasagna. Afterwards, while we were hanging out in the basement with our other high school friends, Steve made a joke about having leftover vodka in his room from the house party. He gave me one of his ‘I’m gonna do something stupid’ looks and sprinted to his room to get the bottle. I followed him but when I jumped over the couch to catch up, I forgot that the basement had a metal heating duct running across it, which was a foot lower than the rest of the ceiling. I slammed my head into the edge of it and started gushing blood.”

“Fuck, that is stupid” Sy scoffed.

“That’s not the worst part of the story” Will chimed in, glaring at Steve who was sitting at the other corner of the table. “Steven, please tell us what you did with your best friend in the whole world after she started bleeding everywhere and had a possible concussion.”

Steve gave him a guilty look. 

“I dropped her off at her parents’ place so they could take her to the hospital” he mumbled.

“He fucking left her there” Will all but screamed, barely concealing his smile. “He didn’t even bother to go to the hospital himself to make sure she was okay, which would have been the gentlemanly thing to do.”

"Again, in his defense, I asked him to do that. My parents would have met us at the hospital anyway and there was no point in both of us suffering through that. My house was just off the highway on the way there, it was literally a five-minute detour. Plus, I have never expected Steve to be a gentleman towards me. He’s a brother not a partner.”

“He was your prom date” James pointed out. 

“We went with a group of friends; she wasn’t my date. My girlfriend at the time was from another school so she couldn’t come with us and Amber had gotten dumped the night before.”

“That’s a dick move” Sy commented, glancing at Amber.

“He was a dick guy” Steve shrugged.

“You got a nice picture of the two of you though” Chris mentioned, the artist in him coming to the forefront, as always.

Amber smiled and pulled out her phone to find the picture before tilting the screen towards Sy. On the screen, Amber was standing in front of Steve and next to them were two other people mirroring their position. Amber was dressed in a grey strapless dress and a simple silver necklace with a small white stone-covered pendant. The necklace was the only piece of visible jewelry in the picture since her ears weren’t pierced.

“It’s a really good picture. Who’s the couple?”

“Cindy and her ex. He’s the reason I never printed it out for the wall. I didn’t want to have to crop him out and if I cut them both we look too much like a couple.”

“Hold old were you here? Am I allowed to say you look hot or is that too pervy?” Sy mocked.

“I was 17 and Steve was 16 so no, you can’t comment on how I look” she snickered.

“It’s a nice necklace” he said instead. “Why have I never seen that before?”

“I mostly wear it for special occasions now. My mom paid for it as a sort of graduation gift. I wanted a silver elephant pendant, but it wasn’t classy enough for her taste.”

Sy nodded, detecting the spite in her statement even if it seemed like a trivial matter. He went back to the grill to stack the cooked patties onto a plate before distributing them to the group.

“Is that why you bought like three different elephant rings after?” Steve joked.

“Well you know me… I can’t resist buying things when the money goes to charity. Plus, I needed a ring for an outfit, and I hate the look of bulky diamonds.”

“A ring, Ambs, you didn’t have to buy the two others.” James pointed out, with a grin.

“Shut up and eat your burger.”

The meal was a constant flow of chatter and laughter. Sy found out that Will was originally from France and had served there for a few years before going back to school and moving to Canada. He, James and Chris were all married, and Chris’ wife was pregnant with their second kid. He was the only one out of the four men who wanted children. In a way, it reassured Syverson to know that Amber had friends that didn’t have or want children, because then, maybe, she wouldn’t feel as much pressure to do the same to feel normal. It became clear from their conversations that the group was obviously very tight knit. 

Even Hades seemed to also have a strong relationship with Steve because the rottweiler sat at his feet, giving him his best puppy-dog eyes. Sure enough, Steve gave him a small piece of beef before finishing off his burger, something that Amber never did since she was so meticulous about how the dogs were trained and fed.

"Steve, you can mess up Shiro and Moose as much as you want but I don’t need Hades getting food-aggressive on me.”

“Come on, it’s one piece of meat.”

“Don’t. Fuck up. My dog.”

“Fine” Steve grumbled.

Sy smiled upon hearing Amber’s protective tone as he looked down at Echo who was laying calmly on his boots under the table. She’d taken a liking to him more than the others for some reason. Aika and Luna were snoozing together in a patch of shade at the end of the yard. It was going to be hard to leave his new life behind but the thought that they would be there to greet him when he returned warmed his heart already. He rose, collecting the empty plates without a word, too lost in thought.

“So, Ambs, how is work going? Your contract is almost expired, right?” Will asked after Sy went inside to clear the dirty dishes.

“I have about six months left to my original contract. I’ve been offered a renewed one to stay here but so far they seem to want to send me back to Montreal because, if I go back, I get a promotion.”

She moved around the table covering any food that had been left uneaten, the subject of the conversation making her restless.

“If Sy’s away most of the time, what’s the difference? You’ve known each other for, what, almost two years and you’ve spent about five months in the same city. Montreal isn’t that much farther.” Chris said.

“His brother is here, and his parents are in Georgia. I can’t ask him to spend his leave time away from his family. That would be like saying I’m more important than them.” Amber paused, watching Sy through the kitchen window.

“He cares about you, I can tell… more than any of the others ever have. If you want to stay to be closer to him, I’d support your decision, but I also think he’d want you to take the promotion.” Steve speculated.

Sy walked back onto the porch with a fresh round of beers, putting an end to the conversation.

“When do you guys need to get goin’?”

“We have time for one more drink” James answered with a smile.

Sy took a seat and pulled Amber to sit on his lap, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Oh hey, Ambs, your mother wrote to me the other day. Apparently, she thought I’d be able to convince you to attend Michael’s wedding since you haven’t been returning her calls.”

“Wait, your brother is getting married and you don’t want to go?” Sy shifted to see Amber’s face as he spoke.

“He doesn’t even want to attend his own wedding, since he doesn’t actually believe in marriage, his fiancé somehow talked him into it. Plus, considering the only heartfelt words he’s ever said to me were ‘I can’t wait for you to be 5000 kilometers away’ right after busting through the bathroom door for the sole purpose of proving what breaking down a door looked like, I think I have good reason not to go.”

“He broke your nose twice, but a few mean words are where you draw the line?”

Sy stiffened at Steve’s question, immediately imagining the worst as she had never mentioned suffering any injuries at the hands of her brother. She noticed his hold growing tighter immediately and turned to offer some clarification.

“He played too rough when we were kids and accidentally gave me more than a few nose bleeds. Twice the hits were strong enough to cause small breaks, but he was in his twenties when he expressed how much he couldn’t wait for me not to be around.” She turned back to the four men before her. “And that’s why, if I get married, you’ll all be by my side, not him.”

She smiled at them, content, knowing that in that moment, she was surrounded by her real family.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied smut

Amber walked in on Thursday night, sweaty and tired.

“How was your class?” Sy called from the living room.

“It was good. I’d missed training while I was recovering.”

She poured herself a glass of water from the sink and downed the entire thing in one go.

“I feel you on that one. I can’t stand sitting around with nothing to do.”

Sy had spent most of his leave going through the stack of unread books that had piled up in his apartment over the years. When he finished all of his, Amber had told him to look through her own collection for something that would be of interest to him and had even pointed out a few of her favorites. As it turns out, he’d chosen the Twilight series because he’d heard a lot about them over the years and wanted to see what the fuss was about.

“How was your session with Dr. Hill this morning?”

“Weird, awkward, uncomfortable… You know, the usual.”

“You’ve only been seeing him for two weeks, I’m sure it will get better if you continue putting effort into making it work. If you do want to try someone else that would be perfectly fine.”

Sy nodded but didn’t provide anything more. He truly was trying his best to put his pride aside and open up during the 50 minutes he was in the therapist’s office. With every session, the questions were becoming more personal and the periods of awkward silence were growing shorter and shorter. That morning’s session had been particularly difficult for him, though and he felt drained.

Amber started stripping on her way to the bedroom for a shower, not wanting to push Sy and respecting that it was already difficult for him to open up to a stranger. Sy set his book down and caught up with her as she started heating the water. He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe.

“I need to talk to ya about somethin’.”

Amber turned to him and looked him over from head to toe. “Strip.”

“What?”

“You’re about to say something I’m not gonna like, the least you can do is have shower sex after to make up for it.”

Sy chuckled but undressed without any argument. He had tried his best to keep a neutral tone but she was too good at reading people. He got under the warm spray with her, wrapping his arms around her waist and enjoying the water trickling down their bodies.

“I got a call today” he began. “Based on my last check-up, they think I’ll be cleared to go back to work earlier than planned, so they gave me my new assignment. My leave ends in two weeks.”

“That’s not the bad news, we already knew you’d be leaving” she sighed. “Where are you going?”

“Arizona. They want me workin’ military strategy at the provin’ ground.”

They were both silent save for the sound of running water hitting their skin. When Amber eventually spoke, she put as much joy as she could muster into her voice.

“You’re gonna be at the other corner of the country but at least we’ll be on the same continent.” She leaned her head back against his shoulder.

“I don’t know if I’m disappointed you aren’t takin’ this worse or relieved that you’re so optimistic.”

Amber turned in his grip to be chest to chest with her arms wrapped around his neck. She traced small circles over the fading scar on his chest.

“I’m definitely going to miss waking up to you every morning but knowing you’ll be so much safer… it’s a big relief. Let me process this and we can talk about the details before you leave.”

She traced her nails in the grown out hair at the nape of his neck. His hands smoothed over her hips to cup her ass as he tilted his head to kiss cheek.

“Do you wanna go away with me durin’ my last week of leave? My Ma offered to have us stay for as long as we want… Plenty of room for the pack to run around and the guest house is gorgeous.”

“Considering you own the property, I find it funny that you had to wait for your mother’s invitation before thinking of taking me to visit.”

“Just say you’ll go with me so I can pin ya up against this wall and fulfill your request for shower sex.”

She pushed her hips up against his and pulled her face and shoulders away so they were looking into each other’s eyes.

“Yes, I will go to Georgia with you.”

Before she could say anything more, she was turned around, with her breasts pressed against the cold tile wall. She hissed as her nipples hardened from the sudden change in temperature while Sy pushed his large thigh between hers, grinding against her folds.

“You won’t regret this, darlin’.”

With both hands on her hips, Sy guided Amber to arch her back so that her core was at the right angle or him.

“Asking you to fuck me or going to Georgia?” she moaned.

He dragged his tip up and down her folds. “Both” he said before slamming into her with a groan.

***

They set off on Saturday morning with four dog crates safely tied down in the bed of the pick up. They turned onto the gravel road that lead to the ranch just before lunch time. Sy stopped the car in front of the gate that lead to the main house before getting out of the driver’s side of his pick up and moving towards the bed to free their four companions. Amber helped Sy release Aika and Echo then move the travel crates out of the way to reach Hades and Luna.

Barbara walked out of the front door to greet them having heard the commotion caused by the four excited canines. She immediately pulled Sy into a bone-crushing embrace which he gladly returned, then turned to Amber to do the same. After being reassured by Barb that the area around the house was safely surrounded by fences, Amber let the dogs roam around and followed the kind woman inside.

“Where’s Pop?”

“He had to go to the shop and help out with an emergency repair but he’ll be back before dinner. You could take Amber to the guest house and get settled in the meantime.”

“Will you need help making dinner?” Amber asked.

“No dear, go enjoy the land with Nate, you are here on vacation, after all.”

Sy took the guest house key from his mother then guided Amber back out to the car. After driving past the house, they followed the gravel road further into the property.

“How big is the land exactly?”

“Well the property goes up that mountain back there and most of the forest around is also part of it.”

“Woah… Why don’t you live here with your parents when you’re on leave? It definitely beats that tiny apartment of yours.”

“I had already settled in when I inherited the property so it was simpler not to move back” he answered with a shrug.

The guest house was a beautiful dark blue bungalow, slightly bigger than Amber’s home. Like the main house, there was a white porch across the front and a large bay window. After stepping down from the truck, Amber simply stood there, admiring her home for the next week. Sy grabbed their bags, then walked over to wrap his arm around Amber’s waist, leading her up the steps.

“What do you want to do with the rest of the afternoon? Are ya hungry?”

“You know better than I do what there is to do around here so you should decide. I’m not really hungry at the moment.”

Sy dropped the bags in the bedroom then guided Amber out through the back door, leaving the screen open for air to circulate.

“Would you like to head up mountain?”

“That sounds nice. Do you have a trail to hike up?”

They reached a barn, which stood some distance behind the guest house and Sy opened the padlock, pulling the wide doors aside.

“How do you feel about riding up?”

There were two ATVs and two dirt bikes parked near the front of the barn and an old jeep surrounded by random parts at the back. Clearly Robert used the barn as a workshop to rebuild old motor vehicles.

“I feel really good about it” she said with a wide smile. “Are we better off with the bikes or the quads?”

“Have you ever driven either of ‘em before?” He was concerned by her phrasing since he hadn’t expected her to want to take the bikes much less drive one on her own.

“This won’t reassure you, but I have a scar on my leg from the first time I rode an ATV when I was 17. I got better at driving them since then and I got my motorcycle license when I was 21.”

“Which scar?”

His question proved that she’d been right in assuming her experience with recreational vehicles would be overshadowed by the one injury she had sustained as a teen.

“I burnt the inside of my thigh on the motor. It healed well though, so maybe you’ve never noticed it.”

He nodded. “The trail is made for ATVs so, if you’re sure you’re up for it, I’d say we take those but I ain’t letting ya ride in that.” He gestured to her outfit.

She looked down at her jeans and tank top.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“Any low hangin’ branch is gonna cut your arms and if ya do fall for some reason, you’re gonna rip your skin to shreds.”

“Okay, well, I didn’t bring my bike jacket so what do you suggest?”

Syverson glanced around the barn and quickly spotted what he was looking for. He walked to the coat rack that stood by the workbench in the far corner and retrieved one leather and one jean jacket.

“Black or blue?” He gestured to each top in turn.

“Which one would you fit into?”

“They’re both mine, actually.”

“Then black. Always black.”

Sy smiled, knowing she was going to choose the leather jacket. He helped her put it on then shrugged on his own layer of protection. He dug around in the cabinets under the workbench to find two helmets and handed one to Amber.

From the corner of her eye, she saw him grab something from his pants and place it in his inside jacket pocket before sitting on one of the machines and slipping the helmet over his head. She threw her leg over her own and turned the key in the ignition. Their engines roared to life and Sy pulled forward, guiding the way towards the path that lead up the mountain.

They rolled through the forest at a very reasonable speed set by Sy. Amber knew that he was intentionally keeping her from going too fast but considering she wasn’t familiar with the trail, she thought it was best not to push her luck. The path was long and winding, sometimes requiring some precision driving over fallen branches or narrower spaces but she thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. 

When they reached a clearing at the top of the mountain, Sy cut his engine and removed his helmet. Amber did the same, also removing the warm leather coat and followed him to a spot in the short grass where he had sat down. There was an opening in the trees in front of him that made it possible to see the rest of the property all the way down to the main house. She knelt behind him kissing his neck but Sy had other plans. He twisted and pulled Amber to straddle his lap, brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear before cupping the back of her head and pulling her into a languid kiss. Amber moved to deepen the kiss but Sy pulled away before she could do anything more. She frowned and tilted her head like a quizzical puppy.

He rubbed his hands up and down her legs. “I’ve got somethin’ I want to talk about first.” His tone was low and serious making Amber’s curiosity peek. She sat back on his strong thighs, allowing him to sit up.

“I’ll be good, I promise” she said with a coy smile. “What do you want to talk about?”

Syverson took a deep breath and dove right in before he lost his nerve.

“I never second guessed my career or my life until I met ya. I’d always been okay goin’ overseas, not knowin’ if I’d make it back, ‘cause I thought being there, with my men, was where I belonged… Meetin’ you, lovin’ you, showed me that I could hope for more.” He placed his large left hand over her heart. “You were the last person goin’ through my mind when I passed out after gettin’ shot and you were the first person I thought of when I woke up. For the first time, I was actually afraid that I wouldn’t make it home. You are the toughest, most resilient woman I have ever met and if anyone can put up with me being away and keep me in line when I’m around, I know it’s you.

"I know askin’ ya to quit your job and move across the country with me would be selfish, and I don’t want you to give anything up. So, instead, I’m hopin’ that, for now, this” he pulled a small black box from his jacket pocket “will remind ya how much I love you until we get to be together again. You’ve given me everything a man could ever hope for in life and I want to spend the rest of my life knowin’ I get to go home to you and our little family.”

He opened the box revealing a diamond engagement ring. 

Amber gasped and covered her mouth with a shaky hand as tears started pooling in the corner of her green eyes, finally understanding what he was trying to say.

“Amber Elizabeth Hamby…" 

"When did you find out my middle name?” she giggled. Sy grinned but ignored her question.

“Amber Elizabeth Hamby” he repeated. “Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

Amber nodded vigorously. “Yes, Nathan. Of course, I will.” She crashed into him with all her weight, knocking him backwards onto the ground with a loud huff. In an instant, her lips were on his, her hands in his hair. His arms wrapped around her back, holding her warm body flush against his. When she finally pulled away for a breath, they were both panting profusely.

“Can I put this on ya now and see if I got the size right?”

Reluctantly, Amber sat up once again and allowed Sy to slip the ring onto her finger. The band was white gold with diamond pavé running halfway down the ring and a single small pear-shaped stone at the top. To her surprise, it fit perfectly causing her to shoot Sy a questioning look.

“I may have dug through your things while you were at work to see if I could find a jewelry box and get a reference for the style and the size. No big diamond 'cause you said you don’t like those and everythin’ in your box was silver so that was another clue. Sarah helped me for the rest. Do you like it?”

Her lips were on him again, roaming everywhere she could reach. “Yes, Nathan. It’s perfect. You’re perfect. When did you do this?” she spoke between kisses.

“I’d been thinkin’ about it for a while, but I wasn’t sure if marriage was something you wanted until you made that comment to the guys. My mind was already made up, all that was left was to find the right ring.”

She pressed her forehead to his, eyes closed and let out a contempt sigh.

“You’re more important than any ring, Nathan. I love you, I would have said ‘yes’ no matter what.”

“I know it wouldn’t have mattered; I just thought the woman I love deserves nothin’ but the best.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oral (male + female receiving)  
> Sex  
> Light bondage

The pair had barely made it through the screen door of the guest house before their clothing started falling to the ground. If Amber had had her way, they would have had sex right there at the top of the mountain but Sy had other plans. In addition, he was not keen on the idea of having bugs crawling up his neck while they made love in the grass.

Syverson kicked the door closed behind him, his arms otherwise occupied, firmly holding on to Amber who, in turn, clung to him with every fiber of her being.

“Keep your eyes closed until I tell you otherwise” he ordered.

“Why?” Amber whined.

“Because I said so” he taunted.

She didn’t argue, preferring to use her lips to place opened-mouth kisses down his neck as he led them to the master bedroom where he had left their bags earlier that day. He placed her at the center of the bed and quickly pulled off her tank top, pants, and bra, leaving her only in her lace thong. 

“Nathan” she moaned, goosebumps covering her skin. “What are you doing? Why can’t I open my eyes?”

“I thought that, now that you’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been before in my life, it would be a good time to explore that little kink of yours to show you my gratitude.”

Before she had time to reflect on what he meant by his statement, she felt padded fabric wrap around her wrists. It had been a long time since she’d last encountered that sensation, but she recognized it instantly. Both her hands were guided above her head as she heard the clasps of the cuffs hit the metal frame of the bed. She pulled gently and, sure enough, her movement was halted. By her estimates, she would have just enough leeway to turn over onto her stomach but nothing more. He gently kissed Amber’s left forearm from her wrist to her elbow before standing up.

“Keep ‘em eyes closed, darlin’ or I’ll have to blindfold ya, too.”

“Yes, Nathan.”

“Good girl.”

The praise sent a wave of arousal through Amber’s body, making her shudder. She wanted desperately to open her eyes and admire the man before her, but she wanted to be his obedient girl even more. She could picture his gorgeous blue eyes having gone dark with lust, his strong wide torso heaving with each rapid breath, his jeans straining to contain his leaking erection.

She heard fabric ruffling followed by the distinct sound of a belt and zipper being undone. The anticipation was building with every minute Sy remained silent.

Finally, the bed dipped as Sy crawled over Amber and began to kiss a spot on her neck that drove her crazy while his hands moved over her breasts, thumbs teasing her hardened nipples.

His lips travelled down, leaving love-bites anywhere that could be easily concealed. They were spending the week with his parents after all. He lingered over her stomach, giving special attention to the small surgical scars on her lower abdomen. He lifted his head to examine Amber’s inner thighs, spotting a circle about one and a half inches in diameter which was a slightly different shade than the rest of her skin. He kissed the faded burn the same way he had the surgical and self-harm scars before that. 

“It’s not fair that I can’t touch or see you while you tease me like this” she whined, unsure what she was hoping to accomplish with the statement.

“How ‘bout I let you taste instead?” Sy whispered in her ear. 

Amber could only groan and nod her head in reply, her mouth watering at the thought. She opened her mouth without having to be told, eager to give him any pleasure she could.

Sy shuffled up the bed, grasped the base of his cock and leaned down just enough for his tip to rest on Amber’s tongue. She licked up and down his slit before wrapping her lips around him, wetting the few inches Sy was giving her access to.

“Do you want more?”

Amber hummed, sending a shiver up Syverson’s spine. He bent over, leaning both hands on either side of Amber’s cuffed arms. He slowly began to thrust down into Amber’s mouth. She tilted her chin up and Sy felt her throat relax enough for her to take him all the way. His grunts grew louder as his thrusts deepened.

He pulled back when he felt himself get close to his climax, wanting to find his release buried deep in her core. He moved to position himself between Amber’s legs and slid off the last piece of clothing that was now completed coated in Amber’s wetness. Sy had purposely ignored the spot he knew needed his attention the most.

As much as he wanted to sink into her dripping folds, he couldn’t do so before returning the favor. He lifted Amber’s thighs over his shoulders lapping frantically at her burning folds. Amber was so pent up that a few firm draws on her clit were all it took to have her body shaking in orgasm while she cried out his name.

“God, you’re so beautiful when you cum.”

“Nathan, baby, please… I need you!” she exclaimed in a breathy plea.

He positioned himself at her entrance, teasing her folds one last time.

“Open your eyes, Amber. Look at how well you take me, darlin’.”

Her eyes flew open as soon as she was given permission and, as requested, looked down as Sy sank into her, slowly stretching her sensitive walls. She gasped and tugged at her restraints wishing she could anchor herself on his toned shoulders.

“Next time you cum, I’ll undo the cuffs.” Sy knew it wouldn’t be long, he could already feel her tensing up again.

He carefully began to move, keeping his hips firmly pressed against hers, brushing against her clit with every thrust. He leaned down on his right forearm, licking and biting one of her nipples while rolling the other between his index and his thumb. Amber did her best to keep her eyes open, watching the muscles in his backside contract with each movement. Before long, she was once again pushed over the edge and crying out at her release. Sy reached up, undoing her bonds, immediately flipping onto his back, and pulling Amber over him.

Amber set a slow pace, bracing herself on his chest as she repeatedly lifted her hips up, just barely keeping Sy within her, then sinking down, smacking their hips together. Sy slapped her ass before grabbing hold firmly with both hands to help guide Amber’s movements. She increased her speed gradually and tightened the muscles in her core pulling a low growl from Syverson’s chest.

“Last one, you can do it” he encouraged. 

When Sy sensed Amber getting exhausted, he planted his feet on the mattress, proceeding to meet each one of her movements. She leaned down, locking onto his lips for the first deep kiss since they walked into the house. Her soft hair tickled his neck and chest over his scar as he fucked into her frantically. Amber’s walls pulsed when the coil in her belly snapped, making Sy groan and hold her firmly against him, spending himself as deep as possible in her core. She collapsed onto Sy’s sweaty chest. Her eyes drifted shut, feeling Sy’s strong arms wrap around her body, keeping her flush against him.

“I love you, Amber. ” he mumbled, nuzzling her brown locks.

“I love you, too” she whispered before drifting off to sleep.

***

Syverson’s pick-up was loaded with all the things he would need for his new home in Arizona. Aika would have to be in the cab with him for the long drive. His old apartment had been cleared out and anything he couldn’t take with him was given a temporary spot in Amber’s small house to sort through at a later date. He nervously circled the house with the four dogs on his heels as he double checked that he hadn’t left anything behind. Truthfully, he was stalling, knowing that, once everything was packed, he was going to have to drive away and leave his fiance behind. Amber was doing her best to be stoic, watching him from a stool in the kitchen, but after his fourth loop, her resolve broke and a single tear rolled down her cheek. 

“I think that’s everything” Sy declared weakly, walking back into the room.

Amber brushed the tear off before Sy could see it and stood to capture him in a bone crushing embrace.

“Call me along the way so I know you haven’t wrapped your truck around a pole or something.”

“Is that how I sound when you go out running in the middle of the night?” Sy chuckled.

She pulled back to look into his deep blue eyes with a small smile.

“No, you’re definitely worse.”

He kissed her deeply, savoring the warmth she managed to send through his entire body using nothing but her lips. When they pulled apart, Amber was running her thumb over the indentations on his dog tags, which had been returned to their rightful place on his chest, before tucking them into his shirt.

Syverson ushered Aika out the door and into his truck without another word, knowing that, if he lingered any longer, he simply wouldn’t leave.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> implied infertility

Syverson returned to his Arizona house after a long exhausting day, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up on the couch with Amber and their pups. Of course, that was not possible since he was living on a military base and she was still back home. _Home._ Even if he’d had his own small apartment for multiple years, he had never really called it home. In fact, the closest thing he had to a home was that god-awful base in middle-of-nowhere, Iraq where he spent most of his time getting shot at or figuring out how best to avoid his team getting shot. Now, after living with Amber for less than three months, he couldn’t help but think of her little house as home.

He checked his clock wondering if it was too late to call his fiance. It would be past 11 PM in Pennsylvania, but it was Friday night. He took a chance and sent her a text asking if she was still awake and willing to Skype. To his surprise, she answered almost instantly and a few seconds later, the call came in on his computer. He was even more surprised by the image that appeared on the screen.

Amber was cradling Devon’s son, Matthew, in her arms and gently rocking him back and forth. He was fussing and wiggling his arms and legs but not crying or screaming. Syverson’s heart melted at the sight. They had visited Devon and Sarah since Matthew was born but he’d never actually seen Amber hold his nephew. She looked comfortable, as if she’d soothed babies a thousand times before.

“Look Matty, it’s your favorite uncle!” she greeted him excitedly.

“I’m his only uncle” Sy corrected. “Sarah is the oldest of three sisters and none of ‘em have boyfriends.”

“That still makes you his favorite” Amber proclaimed, beaming with pride. She was overjoyed to see Sy for the first time since he’d left.

“How are you?” she asked, noticing the fatigue in his features.

“Not as good as when I’m with you but better than when I was in Iraq that’s for damn sure. What about you? Why do you have Matthew?" 

"I was talking to Sarah and she may have expressed that she was going insane from the lack of sex. I offered to take him, so they’d have a whole night to themselves.”

“Am I gonna have to have a big brother talk with Dev about how to keep his woman satisfied?” he questioned with one of his devilish grins.

“Na, he’s just been working long hours lately because his firm just landed a big client and Sarah’s back at the hospital. Plus, a screaming baby kind of kills the mood.”

“Has he been givin’ ya much grief?”

Amber shook her head, looking down at the bundled child in her arms. “He’s a sweetheart just like the other men in his family.” Sy thought he saw flash of sorrow in her eyes, but it was quickly wiped away when she smiled sweetly at the screen. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. I wish I could be there.”

Aika jumped up on the bed where Syverson was sitting with his laptop on his thighs, nudging the screen a few times, having recognized Amber’s voice.

“Hi girl! I missed you, as well, don’t worry.”

“Where are the kids?”

“I locked myself in the bedroom because they get too excited around Matthew and their whines would wake him up. He’s just about to fall asleep, I can tell by the way his eyes are closing.”

Amber shifted to lay Matthew down on her thighs and wrapped the blanket tighter around him.

“You look like you’ve done this before.” Sy was careful in his wording, not wanting to accidently say something that might upset Amber.

“Yeah, I don’t really have extended family on my dad’s side, but my mom has six older siblings who all have kids. I am, by far, the youngest of my cousins. The oldest is 52 now and the youngest is probably your age, maybe a little older, I can’t remember. They all married young so I grew up taking care of their babies whenever I would visit.”

“Do you like any of 'em enough that you would want’ em at our weddin’?”

“Making wedding plans so soon? We’ve only been engaged for a few weeks” she teased while giving Matthew a pacifier. 

“Can you blame me for looking forward to you becomin’ my wife?“

Amber blushed in response.

“I have a few uncles and aunts that I would like to invite but I’m not close enough to any of my cousins to have them drive out to attend” she said, responding to his original question.

“Drive out? Where were you thinkin’ of doin’ it?”

“I was thinking we could have a small outdoor thing at your place in Georgia.”

“We can definitely do that” Sy smiled.

“Your turn to answer a wedding question. Who do you want as your best man?”

“Easy, Dev. Who’s gonna be your maid of honor?”

“Cindy would be my first choice amongst my girlfriends…” Amber trailed off, looking somewhere off-camera.

"But you and Steve are way closer now than you and Cindy are” he finished for her.

“Yeah, well, tradition demands a girl.”

“Fuck tradition. Steve can be your maid of honor but if he wears a dress my army buddies are probably gonna have a fuckin’ heart attack.”

“Fair enough” Amber giggled. “Do you want to get married in uniform?”

Sy became oddly quiet rubbing the scar on the left side of his face. He had had to shave now that he wasn’t stationed in the middle of nowhere and couldn’t get away with bending the rules. Amber hadn’t thought that, out of all the decisions that were to be made, this would be the one to stump Sy. She knew that he was proud of his career and expected him to want to have a military wedding, especially since most of his friends were current or ex-army.

“I hadn’t thought about that actually.”

“I had assumed you would.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird for you though? Bein’ Canadian and all…”

“I’m one quarter American so between the two of us that makes for five eighths American, three eighths Canadian.”

“Ya can’t make a decision like that based on math, Amber. My career and my country are not more important than yours… I’ll wear a suit even if it makes me feel like a penguin.”

"Are you sure, Nathan?”

“I am.”

Amber remained silent for a few seconds, studying Sy for any sign of uncertainty, but found none

“Okay, then.”

“But Amber, it means the world that you would want that for me.” His voice was soft, eyes conveying how grateful he was.

“So, when do you want to get married? When do you think you’ll have leave time?" 

"Next spring maybe? It gives us a bit less than a year to plan everythin’ and the ranch will be gorgeous that time of year.”

“What colors do you want?”

"Uh… that’s not somethin’ I know how to pick out.”

“Well, your favorite color is green, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How about grey, lavender and sage green?”

Sy frowned for a moment, clearly trying to picture what that would look like.

“Yeah, I think that could be nice.”

“Really? It’s not too girly for your taste?”

“My guys are secure enough in their masculinity to handle a purple tie and flowers.” He shrugged, giving her one of his signature sly smiles.

“Lavender” Amber corrected, looking down at Matthew who was sleeping soundly on her lap.

Sy watched her gently brush his nephew’s cheek while stifling a yawn.

“Sweetheart, you should go sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go to sleep right now, I haven’t seen you in two weeks” she whined, making Sy laugh at the uncharacteristically childish behavior.

“That boy is gonna have ya up in a few hours, ya need to sleep while ya can. Besides, you’ll get to hear from me a lot more often now that I’m settled in and everythin’.”

“I’m gonna have to move your nephew to lie down. If he wakes up, I’m blaming you.”

Sy, once again, let out a deep chuckle.

“I’ll find a way to make it up to ya, I promise.”

After Amber reluctantly hung up the video call, Sy felt a tinge of sadness. The ease with which Amber’s motherly instincts kicked in, further awoke something within Sy that had been dormant until he met Amber. He wanted to see more of it, whether it be with their own baby or their nephew, but he knew that as long as he was so involved in his career, a family life would be impossible.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTER DEATH

Sy sat on his childhood bed, elbows on his knees with his head between his hands. His suit jacket lay perfectly folded on the mattress next to him where Amber had laid it out that morning. Sy focused on his breathing, trying his best not to let the nerves take him over. He hadn’t had a good night sleep since he left the base three days prior and had barely had enough food to count as one day’s worth of meals.

A soft knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts. He called for whoever was on the other side to come in. The old hinges creaked as the door was slowly pushed open, revealing Robert in a matching black suit. The wrinkles in his brow betrayed his own unease as he focused his gaze on his son.

“It’s time son. We need ya down there.”

Sy lifted his head for the first time since he’d sat down and looked up at his father with teary eyes.

“I don’t think I can do this Dad.” His voice was barely a whisper.

Robert moved to kneel in front of his son, studying him for a few brief seconds.

“Yes, you can, son. She needs ya to be down there and you know you’ll kick yourself later if you run away now.”

His father was right, of course, but Sy felt like all his inner strength had been sucked from his body.

“Nathan, this service ain’t gonna start without ya. Don’t make this harder on yourself by delayin’ it.”

Sy sucked in one last breath, gathering what courage he had left and stood. Robert held up his jacket for him to put his arms into and Sy shrugged it up over his broad shoulders.

“Devon did always say you should have gotten a job that required wearing suits. You look good, son.”

Without waiting for a response, Robert turned and walked back out into the hall, leaving the door open behind him to show there was no room for discussion. Sy pulled in one last steeling breath and followed him down the stairs. When he arrived in the yard, Amber was standing in the shade of the porch holding Matthew, her back to him.

Sy continued to walk past the rows of folding chairs which had been set up in front of a small podium. He took a seat next to his mother and she immediately wrapped her arms around his bicep holding him close, fearing he’d disappear if she didn’t hold him in a vice grip. Robert nodded faintly to the man behind the podium, signaling that it was time to begin.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is under unfortunate circumstances that we welcome you all here today to celebrate the lives of Devon and Sarah Syverson.”

***

_Syverson jerked up in his bed glancing around to find the source of the buzzing that had woken him up. The clock radio on the nightstand showed in bright red digits that it was close to four in the morning. The buzzing resumed and Sy realized that it was coming from his cellphone on the small kitchen counter. He pushed himself up from the bed and dawdled over. He expected that Amber had gotten overzealous again and called first thing in the morning, forgetting about the time difference. With the wedding less than two months away, she had a lot of last-minute decisions to make._

_Sy switched the screen on, squinting when the bright light coming from the device met his eyes. He adjusted the brightness, pausing for a few seconds to admire the picture of Amber and the pack which lived on his lockscreen, his smile dropping when he turned his attention to the notification for three missed calls from his dear fiancé. His heart started to pound harder, now dreading that this wasn’t in fact an accidental early-morning phone call. He hit the dial button and pulled the phone up to his ear._

_“Nathan,” she answered, relieved to finally get a hold of him._

_“Hey, Darlin’”_

_“Am I keeping you from something?” she asked timidly._

_“Amber, it’s oh four hundred hours, on a Sunday” he chastised. “What’s goin’ on?”_

_Amber released a sob on the other end of the line making Sy’s throat tighten. He hadn’t meant to make her cry he was simply a little grumpy from the early morning wake-up._

_“I’m so sorry, Nathan.”_

_“I didn’t mean to be short with you, Darlin’. I’ve got all day to sleep, I’m sorry. What did ya need to tell me?”_

_“No, that’s not what I mean,” she huffed, frustrated that she couldn’t find the right words._

_“Then, what are you apologizin’ for Amber?” Sy questioned, brows furrowed in confusion._

_“Devon…”_

_“What do you mean “Devon”? What happened with my brother?” The lingering fatigue had effectively left his voice at the mention of his sibling._

_“Baby…” she sniffed. “Dev and Sarah… They… Their gone.” Amber let out a shaky breath._

_“What do you mean their gone?”_

_Amber exhaled loudly, bracing herself. “They died last night, Nathan, I’m so sorry.”_

_Sy’s body stiffened as his hand slowly moved the phone down from his ear, fist clenched so tight the plastic protector was threatening to crack. Amber’s voice could still be heard through the speaker, but he was no longer listening. A thousand thoughts raced through his head, his limbs becoming numb and his vision going black._

_Sy fell to his knees on the cold tile floor and was met with Aika’s wet nose on his cheek within seconds. She could sense his distress, the rising panic, and the incredible pain her owner was submerged in. Had his stomach not been empty, he was sure he would have vomited from the nausea that wafted over him._

_He didn’t know how long he knelt there, struggling to breathe, tears flowing freely down his face as he clutched his dog tight to his chest. The tears didn’t stop, and his heart was still beating a mile a minute, but each breath slowly became less of a struggle. He looked down to see that the call was still connected, and Amber had apparently been waiting for 23 minutes for his attack to subside._

_He switched the phone to speaker, not trusting himself with the fragile gadget. He turned around to lean back against the cabinet, pulling his knees up to his chest and gripping the back of his shaved head with both hands. His self control was hanging by a thread and none of the furniture in the house belonged to him._

_“What happened?”_

_“Remember how I said that Devon was surprising Sarah for their anniversary with a weekend at a B &B in Vermont? There was a fire… that’s all I know.” She had managed to compose herself somewhat in the time that passed since her confession and was now capable of speaking a full sentence._

_“Oh god, was Matth…” Amber cut him off._

_“No, he’s with me. It was a last-minute decision but he’s safe.”_

_Sy exhaled, as the small wave of relief released some of his tension._

_“The police are contacting Sarah’s family, but I asked them to let me get in touch with you and your parents.”_

_“It’s okay, I can do it.”_

_Amber inhaled, holding back the tears that were threatening to break through once more. “Nathan, you don’t have to. I just need their number and I can…”_

_“No” he said forcefully. “Devon had promised me he’d be the one to tell ‘em if it was me. It’s only fair.”_

_“Give them my number to call if they need anything, okay? Anything. I mean it.” Her voice was as soft and soothing as she could manage through all the emotion and choked sobs._

_Sy nodded his head even if she couldn’t see the motion._

_“Are you okay with Matthew ‘til we figure out what comes next?”_

_“Someone would have to get through 300 pounds of canine and pry him out of my arms before I’d let anyone take him from me.” She meant every word._

_There was a long pause before Sy spoke again._

_“It wasn’t supposed to be him,” Sy whispered._

_“Don’t say that, Nathan.” Amber’s heart broke hearing his words._

_“It’s true. I spent over a decade getting shot at 24/7 so my little brother could be safe,” Sy growled. “So he could go to school, get a fancy degree, meet a nice girl and have a family. It was supposed to be me who…” The “_ didn’t make it home _” lingered unsaid but Amber knew that was what he meant._

_“Nathan…” her tone was pleading. For what, exactly, she didn’t know, but she couldn’t stand the thought of the man she loved being agony and there being nothing that could be done to comfort him._

_“I have to call my parents,” Sy stated dismissively._

_“Please, be safe, Nathan.”_

_After hanging up the call, Sy let out a deep, gut-wrenching cry before collapsing onto the floor, once again consumed by tears. Aika crawled across him, protectively laying over his back, one set of paws on either side of his torso, facing the door. She couldn’t save him from the hurt he felt inside, but she could protect his body until her dying breath._

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://poledancingdinos.tumblr.com/)


End file.
